This week on The Bachelorette, Desiree Hartsock will begin dating the men of season 9! Who will get the first solo date? Which of the guys will she take on a group date? Will there be man tears?
One thing's for sure, there will be a rap video with Soulja Boy.
We'll find out all of this and more now in our THG +/- recap. (Of course, if you don't want to wait, you can always skip ahead to The Bachelorette spoilers. We won't tell!)
The guys and their muscles move into the house and Chris Harrison explains the dating scenario. Any guy who doesn't get a rose on a one-on-one date is going home immediately.
The lucky winner of the first one-on-one date is Brooks! He looks a lot like Steve Howey so I have trouble taking him seriously. Des doesn't though, so good for her.
She picks him up in her baby blue Bentley and instead of letting him drive, she takes the wheel. Plus 8.
To show him her life, she takes him to a bridal shop and dresses him up in a series of tuxes, the first of which is very monochrome. It ain't easy being green, Brooks. Minus 2 (for my awful joke).
They don wedding attire and pretend to be newlyweds at a cupcake truck. Plus 2.
It's the 90th anniversary of the Hollywood sign, so they get special snowflake status and have a date overlooking all of Los Angeles. That's cool. And then Desiree calls it a fairy tale and I roll my eyes. Minus 4.
Brooks is willing to let his heart get broken over and over if it means finding The One at the end. He seems like a good guy. Plus 10.
First kiss goes to Brooks!! Plus 20!
On the way home, Des gets "lost" in a less than savory part of town and convinces Brooks to help her move some signs marking that the road is closed. But it's a set-up. Their dinner is on the bridge. It's beautiful.
At dinner, Brooks asks her about her life and her family. She wants what her parents have and Brooks', whose parents are divorced, has trouble articulating what he wants in marriage.
Brooks and his dad didn't speak for 6 years after his parents' divorce and as he talks to Des, there are tears in his eyes. If she doesn't give him a rose after that, well, she should just go ahead and give him a rose.
And she does. Rose to Brooks. Another kiss to Des. Plus 4.
Andy Grammer and his band are set up at the far end of the bridge to give Des and Brooks a private concert. She maybe should've planned dance lessons for the two of them, but who am I to judge their skillz.
The spinning thing? Cheesy. CHEESE. Y. Minus 9.
It's group date day and Des has 14 men at a winery. And while at this winery, they will record a rap video with Soulja Boy. This is her attempt to be goofy and make a fool of herself. For fun.
The guys try to spit some game for Soulja Boy and he chooses Brandon, Ben, Michael G., and James to be the performers in his video. The other 10 guys will be backup dancers.
Brandon's costume doesn't include pants. Plus 12.
The lyrics to their song, "For The Right Reasons," are all insults to bachelors from previous seasons.
Ben's up first and the guys try to rattle him. Michael G. is not a rapper. But he's not as bad as Brandon. In his defense, his derriere is on display.
The music video bit is totally silly, but they had fun? And fun's what matters, right?
Zak W. has brought her a gift, an antique journal that has never been written in that bears an inscription from a father to his daughter. After showing up to the first cocktail party shirtless, he wanted to show her his softer side. Plus 14.
While the other guys are sitting around staring at the rose, Brandon says he wishes they didn't care so much about who gets a rose. That they could just have fun and focus on Des.
Ben thinks that's just silly and believes that pursuing her is the way to go. He steals her away from Mikey T.
The guys don't trust Ben. At all.
Des and Ben talk about his son and she asks if he has any questions about it. She says she's open to that. Then he plays the lamest game in history and makes up a story about how he wanted to kiss her earlier during the video shoot but worried his cowboy hat would get in the way so can he kiss her now? Minus 6.
Man tears from Brandon who "didn't expect to feel this way." Minus 3.
Michael G. is here "for the right reasons." He respects women. Like his mom. And his sister. And his nana.
The guys really, really don't trust Ben. Mikey T. seems to be the ring leader of the Un-trusters so he pulls Ben aside to talk about Ben stealing Des away from him earlier that evening.
Mikey feels like Ben is nice when the cameras are rolling and when he has to be, but in general, calls Ben a politician.
Ben doesn't want tension in the house and isn't the kind of guy to stab the other guys in the back. Then they talk about shoes, so thinks are good? I think? Minus 3.
Brandon still hasn't talked to Des and really wants that opportunity, so he swipes her away from another guy in order to tell her that he basically has nothing. Except they both have a mom and a dad? Methinks he spent too much time hitting the sauce before having this conversation with her.
His dad left when he was 5 and his mom was a drug addict. He raised himself and his siblings from the time he was 11. What he wants now is kids of his own.
He didn't expect to "fall in like" with her this soon. Plus 3.
At the end of the group date, Zak gets a "thoughtful" compliment and Brandon gets props for being nearly naked in their video.
But Ben gets the rose.
They end the group date by chanting the lyrics to their rap song and it sounds, well, odd. And not at all enthusiastic. Maybe they should've chanted before she passed out the rose.
Bryden gets the second one-on-one date of the week and her plan for him is a road trip. They stop to get snacks because what's a road trip without snacks. They share a love of pre-popped popcorn. Match made in TV heaven! Plus 7
He's never seen California before so she plans to show him.
The first stop is the beach where Des fails at flying a kite and they have fish tacos. The second stop is an orange grove where he asks if he wants Brie and he says he doesn't know what that is.
Their final stop is at a resort where their dinner has been set in a beautiful garden. She says they're like little kids when they're together.
He thinks that's important. I'm...confused?
Bryden's story is that he was in a really bad car accident and had to be air-lifted out. Then he shows her pictures of the work truck he wrecked. That experience is why he enjoys life so much. Plus 10.
He thinks he's used being in the military as an excuse not to get close to people but finally feels like he's ready to share his life with someone. Maybe even Desiree.
Sharing his story earned Bryden a rose. Plus 2.
I'm having a little deja vu here because, just like on her first one-on-one date with Sean, they go swimming.
He's nervous. She's looking for a kiss. He keeps talking and says "awesome" twice. It's awkard. Minus 8.
She says "just kiss me already" and leaps at his face. Plus 8.
It's time for another cocktail party. Brooks, Ben, and Bryden all have roses meaning they're safe. The other 16 men aren't so secure.
Michael G. steals her away for the first private conversation and tells her there's "something about him she doesn't know." Way to lead with the scare, Michael. He has Type I Diabetes. (Is a Wilford Brimley joke appropriate here? It feels like no?)
In the middle of his story, Ben, who already has a rose, steals her away. This doesn't sit well with Michael. Or Mikey T. Or any of the other guys either.
Brandon looks sharp in his pinstripes and paisley tie! Plus 5.
Michael, to the other guys, calls Ben "a load of BS." Plus 4.
Ben thinks Des hasn't kissed any of the other guys yet. Hahahahahahah, Ben.
So much testosterone and booze in this house! Michael pulls Ben aside and asks him to talk for a second. In his interview, Ben says he didn't mean any disrespect, but the smirk on his face says he's playing the game. Minus 5.
Michael calls Ben out on rubbing some of the guys in the house the wrong way. They don't believe that Ben's really there for Des. Michael doesn't care if Ben's there to make friends. He said what he needed to say and he won't stop saying what he needs to say.
Apparently, Ben's a bit of a shady sort off-camera. He talks about his bar and he talks about his nutrition stores. He doesn't talk about his son so much, though. And with Des he doesn't talk about his bar or his nutrition shops. Interesting.
After a chat with Brian about his past relationships, it's time for another Rose Ceremony.
Joining Brooks, Ben, and Bryden and receving roses tonight are:
- Juan Pablo
- Zak W.
- Mikey T.
- Michael G.
It's curtains for
- Nick M.
Please tell me you all stuck around to see the world premiere of "For The Right Reasons." You did, didn't you? Okay. As long as I didn't suffer through that alone I'm good.
EPISODE TOTAL: +69 SEASON TOTAL: +103