The Real Housewives of Orange County Reunion Recap: Cat Fight, Part One

Two weeks after The Real Housewives of Orange County season finale, the women are sitting down on Andy Cohen's couches in Part One of the Season 7 reunion.

Will Alexis get an apology for being called phony? (Probably not.) Will Vicki have to defend Brooks? (Probably.) And how many times will she say "love tank"? (One time too many.)

Let's find out in THG's Real Housewives of Orange County +/- recap!

Tamra's hair is as big as Alexis' boobs. Minus 5.

We're 60 seconds in and Vicki's already lamenting the fact that Brianna eloped and almost had cancer. Minus 10.

Andy just pointed out that Gretchen and Tamra have swapped hairstyles. Which explains everything. And he's wasting no time asking about Vicki's fur coat. Plus 2.

Alexis says the reason she mispronounced Katie Couric's last name is because she has an accent. You know, like the British. Minus 4.

Here it goes, Alexis and the infamous Fox 5 news reporter scandal. She says that Jim's douche-maneuver in virtually everything regarding Alexis and what she wants, is just because he has a strong personality. Heather calls her out on it and says it's like he's her Daddy. Then she slams Tamra saying "she's still married."

Heather used the word "maligning" like she thinks Alexis knows what that means. Plus 10 for good vocabulary.

In this argument between Heather and Alexis? Heather wins. Mostly because she understands words. And mortgages.

Tamra's recap is up next. Seriously, her hair is huge!

After Eddie proposed, he re-proposed in front of her kids when they got home. Plus 10.

Tamra said her mouth has gotten her into a lot of trouble. At least she's aware. Vicki's disappointed by the distance between she and Tamra after this season. Both are saddened by the recent Vicki-Tamra feud.

Something that makes Tamra happy is her friendship with Gretchen. Vicki thinks Tamra's unable to have more than one friend at a time. Vicki, jealousy's an ugly look. Minus 3.

Vicki blames Tamra for the reason she didn't like Alexis for so long. Alexis says that she and Vicki have been working on their friendship since last season.

Andy Cohen just said "love tank." Minus 25.

And now there's a montage of Brooks and his positive affirmations. There's not enough pinot grigio in the world to make him tolerable.

Donn and Brooks apparently get along swimmingly. Vicki, apparently, almost ripped Donn's girlfriend's eyeballs out.

Gretchen says Vicki's not sincere in what she says. "Correct," Vicki replies. But she's not a hypocrite. Minus 10.

Vicki says she's told Brooks to "get his sh*t together" regarding his child support issues and reveals that she's known him for five years and wrote a letter to the judge to get him out of jail when he was tossed into the clink for not paying. Juicy!

She just can't seem to grasp how hypocritical she's been with Slade and Brooks' similar situations. Minus 15.

Phony-gate 2012 is upon us.

Alexis feels like the women ganged up on her, which is probably true. And Heather said "maligned" again. Alexis still doesn't know what it means. Tamra said her blow-up at her coffee date with Alexis was the result of Alexis pushing her into it. And then Alexis called Tamra bitter and old.

Gretchen says she warned Alexis that Phony-gate was coming when they were on the plane ride over to Costa Rica and then Alexis tells Andy that Gretchen's lying about her hair extensions. Because those two things are related. Minus 3.

Vicki says she'd never want anyone to "gang bang" Tamra. So that's good.

Heather accuses Alexis of being rude to the crew and department store employees. And then Tamra shouts "You are PSYCHOTIC, JESUS JUGS." And I died. Plus 40.

EPISODE TOTAL: -3. SEASON TOTAL: -364.