The Real Housewives of Orange County Reunion Recap: Cat Fight, Part One

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Two weeks after The Real Housewives of Orange County season finale, the women are sitting down on Andy Cohen's couches in Part One of the Season 7 reunion.

Will Alexis get an apology for being called phony? (Probably not.) Will Vicki have to defend Brooks? (Probably.) And how many times will she say "love tank"? (One time too many.)

Let's find out in THG's Real Housewives of Orange County +/- recap!

Real Housewives of Orange County Reunion

Tamra's hair is as big as Alexis' boobs. Minus 5.

We're 60 seconds in and Vicki's already lamenting the fact that Brianna eloped and almost had cancer. Minus 10.

Andy just pointed out that Gretchen and Tamra have swapped hairstyles. Which explains everything. And he's wasting no time asking about Vicki's fur coat. Plus 2.

Alexis says the reason she mispronounced Katie Couric's last name is because she has an accent. You know, like the British. Minus 4.

Here it goes, Alexis and the infamous Fox 5 news reporter scandal. She says that Jim's douche-maneuver in virtually everything regarding Alexis and what she wants, is just because he has a strong personality. Heather calls her out on it and says it's like he's her Daddy. Then she slams Tamra saying "she's still married."

Heather used the word "maligning" like she thinks Alexis knows what that means. Plus 10 for good vocabulary.

In this argument between Heather and Alexis? Heather wins. Mostly because she understands words. And mortgages.

Alexis and Vicki

Tamra's recap is up next. Seriously, her hair is huge!

After Eddie proposed, he re-proposed in front of her kids when they got home. Plus 10.

Tamra said her mouth has gotten her into a lot of trouble. At least she's aware. Vicki's disappointed by the distance between she and Tamra after this season. Both are saddened by the recent Vicki-Tamra feud.

Something that makes Tamra happy is her friendship with Gretchen. Vicki thinks Tamra's unable to have more than one friend at a time. Vicki, jealousy's an ugly look. Minus 3.

Vicki blames Tamra for the reason she didn't like Alexis for so long. Alexis says that she and Vicki have been working on their friendship since last season.

Andy Cohen just said "love tank." Minus 25.

Heather and Gretchen

And now there's a montage of Brooks and his positive affirmations. There's not enough pinot grigio in the world to make him tolerable.

Donn and Brooks apparently get along swimmingly. Vicki, apparently, almost ripped Donn's girlfriend's eyeballs out.

Gretchen says Vicki's not sincere in what she says. "Correct," Vicki replies. But she's not a hypocrite. Minus 10.

Vicki says she's told Brooks to "get his sh*t together" regarding his child support issues and reveals that she's known him for five years and wrote a letter to the judge to get him out of jail when he was tossed into the clink for not paying. Juicy!

She just can't seem to grasp how hypocritical she's been with Slade and Brooks' similar situations. Minus 15.

Phony-gate 2012 is upon us.

Real Housewives of OC Reunion

Alexis feels like the women ganged up on her, which is probably true. And Heather said "maligned" again. Alexis still doesn't know what it means. Tamra said her blow-up at her coffee date with Alexis was the result of Alexis pushing her into it. And then Alexis called Tamra bitter and old.

Gretchen says she warned Alexis that Phony-gate was coming when they were on the plane ride over to Costa Rica and then Alexis tells Andy that Gretchen's lying about her hair extensions. Because those two things are related. Minus 3.

Vicki says she'd never want anyone to "gang bang" Tamra. So that's good.

Heather accuses Alexis of being rude to the crew and department store employees. And then Tamra shouts "You are PSYCHOTIC, JESUS JUGS." And I died. Plus 40.

EPISODE TOTAL: -3. SEASON TOTAL: -364.

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Tamra is so transparent, she was horrible to Gretchen when her husband was dying yet is outraged that anyone should doubt her that simon would hit her etc , I think Simon had a lot to put up with, It seems the men in the show are a lot nicer people than the women, Don is a nice guy seems afraid to to say it how it is ...until it was too late, he should have been treated with respect and dignity but Vickie is also just shallow and self obsessed, , But I think I still dislike the nasty horrible Tamra the most she is totally breed less.

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Gretchen was the best but now she is stooping to that nasty Tamaras level please watch Tamaras body language she is so bitter and a trouble maker and doesnt like Alexis cos she is so good looking with a greata personality

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omg tamra's husband is an A***hole.. let your wife work n u look after kids instead of playin golf stop livin in 50's.. JOKER!! and ffs if Tamra and Gretchen don't like each other stop talking bout each other 24/7 GROW UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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@ Grow up

Um, tamra doesn't have a husband- perhaps you meant Alexis? Her and Heather are the only women married, andmi cant imagine you'd confuse the two- one being a petite brunette, with actual brain cells and the other being a stereotypical blonde with boobs bigger than her head. Also tamra and Gretchen like each other, so they aren't talking about each other 24/7, so not sure you're insisting should shut up and grow up.
I'm more confused than by this comment than Lex was during her argument with Heather...

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Tamera s big teased hair aged her about 15 years

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I'm no longer watching this show if they continue with Tamara!! She's a horrible UGLY Person! She stirs up
The s&)$it! She is a white trash phony as bi$,&;&!! Heather is a follower and Gretchen was the best housewife but then jumped
On with tamara and Gretchen turned into her! Alexis is an airhead but she's holding her own! She is more real than Tamara and gretchen right now! At least she keeps it real that's who she is! Vicki needs to realize who stupid she looked when she hung out with the ugly person Tamara and now see paying for it being called a hyprocit but this is all because of Tamara again! Could u delete her and bring back Gina and Laurie! I loved them!! Housewives of oc is no more and I will delete!!

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Tamra seems to slip under the radar and should be called out on how mean she is to the other housewives - a different one every season. Alexis ..... enough said. Heather, seems to like herself a little too much. Gretchen - I like her. She seems to be the only one that has some common sense. If they kick Vicki off the show and bring in more affluent women with huge $$ homes like Heather I for one will stop watching. I found her house over the top and the whole changing her name ceremony a little unreal. Please keep the show the way it has been over the past seasons.

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Heather is trash. Tamra is retarded and Gretchen is a bitch: if I had a friend that did to me what she has done with Alexis, I would definitely dump that friend forever..Heather is an actress , really!!!She is not even attractive and her husband neither. For being a plastic surgeon, I tell you she is not good publicity. I like Vicky although Gretchen is right: Vicky excuses her boyfriend behaviors but blasted Slade for the samething. I wish Heather would go away and Tamra would go back at being half decent . It seems that half of her goodness was removed with half of her breast .. too bad

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After watching part 2 of the reunion show, I realized that I am part of the problem. So I am ending my sad addiction to this show. Deleted all the RH franchises off of my DVR & series menu. Deleted all of the unwatched WWHL episodes. Andy Cohen, this is no longer fun. It's creepy and you're the carnival barker at the center of it all.

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I love the success that Heather's husband had achieved, but he seems to be in the ladies business a little "too" much, and sorry to say, Heather is just not that pretty. She is what she is, and it's okay, but beautiful, now nor never has she been in that category. Gretchen was once beautiful, and Alexis is beautiful. Vicki is a fine woman and should try and rise above the bull. Tamera, poor thing - she does need help. Tamera is to chatty and should worry more about being a better mother, than telling her friends business. Look out Gretchen, Tamera will be back and Slade and Alexis will be gone. You are materialist, selfish and not such a good person to work anyone and not pay them. Get Real!! Slade, go get a better girl, you can do it. Admit it, it's the make up and it's not helping that much anymore!! She once had it, but - it is GONE!

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Can somebody please kick heathers ass first then Tamara ??? PleAse.

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