You've heard of Hello Kitty? Prepare yourselves for Hello Courtney.
No, really, hold on tight, try to keep your lunch down and prepare yourselves.
She's also fondled some produce.
Now, the 17-year old is making like a cat, crawling around, purring, coughing up a hairball. It's weird, disturbing stuff. Watch below and pray along with us that Stodden does not have nine lives...