The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap: Night of a Thousand Surprises

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They're back. The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills have returned to the mainland at last. Can Kim and Kyle keep it together long enough to get through one party?

Let's find out, and break down the tears, in THG's patented +/- recap!

It's the grand opening party of Lisa's new lounge at Sur and all of the Housewives are invited. But the real fun comes from the unexpected guests ...

Lisa's scrambling with the finishing touches but Sur looks lovely so Plus 8 for a job well done. But as Ken tries to give her a congratulatory hug, she's too busy to enjoy it and brushes it off. She jokes that Ken can get his cuddle next year.

Lisa and Ken

These two are so funny they earn an additional Plus 5.

Everyone starts to arrive and Lisa and Brandi immediately poke fun at one another. Lisa's just happy Brandi's wearing more than a string bikini. Brandi goes to flirt with Ken who says he's much too short for Brandi, especially in her heels.

Lisa reminds him he's also much too married. These three are great when they let their hair down. Plus 10.

Brandi quickly realizes that a waitress at the event was her ex-husband, Eddie's mistress (no, not LeAnn Rimes). Well, that's awkward. Brandi tries to play it off but who wants to be around the woman their husband was screwing around with.

Lisa does the right thing and gives the waitress the night off. Plus 7 for quickly diffusing what could have been a bad situation.

Lisa's challenges get more interesting when Cedric shows up. What rock did he crawl out from under and how did he get in? He's fawning all over Lisa who tells him it's a private party and he needs to leave. The guy has some nerve but eventually he takes the hint.
Kim Richards is Trashed

Kim and Ken take a limo to the party and Kim is flying high in the back seat. She's picking through the trash and taking off her bra. Ken doesn't seem to mind. Maybe he likes her better wasted. Minus 12.

Kim blames her loopiness on having anxiety and being a Virgo. I don't think her astrological chart has anything to do with this behavior. She arrives at the party and shows people her personal pink vibrator! Now there's an ice breaker. I'm not even sure how to give points for that one.

Kim whispers to Adrienne that she's leaving Ken and Adrienne runs to get Kyle. The two sisters find a private table and the tear fest begins. Do these two ever have a conversation that doesn't end up with one of them crying. Minus 8.

Kim not only laments her disastrous relationship (the one she was praising just a week before) but mentions that she's three months late! Plus 20 to Kyle who asks if it could be menopause. Honey, you took the words right out of my mouth. 

Kim won't even entertain the thought but is too scared to take a pregnancy test. Yeah, that's adult. Minus 11. All I can say is that I pray she's not with child considering how many drugs may be coursing through her system. It's a scary thought.

Kim eventually locks herself in the ladies room and Ken stakes out the door. Kim's yelling for him to leave her alone and it's all more than a little ridiculous.

Taylor Armstrong is a Mess

Across the room, Taylor arrives with her therapist. She has a sit down with the ladies to give them the news face to face. She's left Russell. They had one last huge fight where she's ended up with a bruise under her eye and she's finally done. Plus 15.

She sincerely asks forgiveness for dragging everyone else through hell along with her, especially Camille and they all seem willing to move on.

Knowing how this story ends for Russell, I'm interested to see if we get anymore of his side of things before the season ends.

EPISODE TOTAL: +34! SEASON TOTAL: -279!

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Lisa is an old scabby hobag!

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i now like camille,i hope taylor stayes on the show. has kim gotten help yet? has she kicked ken out yet,he is no good? i love most of the girls but dana just doesntfit she needs to go

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Brandi's husband cheated on her with a lot of waitresses and starlets ... maybe he's doing the same with LeAnn ???

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First off , Kim is a crack-head mess looking for left over coke in a limo and Ken is just as bad she does not need this man to watch over her , I'm glad she went to re-hab when she did or else we have other Russell situation on Bravo's hands. Taylor is such a fake and the whole black eye thing she probably gave it to herself and everyone knows she put the final nail in Russell's coffin..The way she presented Russell to Bravo fans was just to much..Poor guy he cant even defend himself now ...I do not want to see this waste of life next season... People know that Lisa and ken relationship is just business and their marriage is not so good they are only together for looks. The producers told Cedric to come to the opening and Lisa knew about it , the worst acting I ever seen on TV. Next week the Pink Wedding for her no lip daughter !!!

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I see Ken purely as an opportunist. He does not fit. All of these dramas at expensive parties are not believable, Why would Lisa tolerate Taylor ambushing her guests for yet another whining session all about her? And bring her Dr.?
BRAVO HAS RUN THE TAYLOR DRAMA WAY TOO LONG. GET HER OFF THE SHOW!

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Did Taylor have a black eye or was it just a bruise from plastic surgery fillers under the eye? She didn't look like she had a black eye - that involves swelling of all the soft tissue in the eye socket and disorts one eye. Her eyes both looked the same, although one had slight discoloration underneath, perhaps where a needle was inserted for filler. I don't believe much of what she says. She's a player who's been pretending for a long long time. Bravo needs to get her off the show. Her play for sympathy has backfired and no one trusts her. Even dragging a doctor along to vindicate you can't change the perception that she herself has created. You can't all of the fool people all of the time, Shanna oops Taylor.

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I think that Kim needs to leave ken. I don"t know who ken think he is but he needs to just know he needs to stop if Kim thinks that is ok well then she's pretty stupid. He is bossy! I"ve known that every since the trip. If he thinks that he can continue then he's got another thing coming ahead.I DON'T LIKE HIM!!!!!!!

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I've seen the behavior of enough cokeheads with too much money in the city in which I live to conclude that I do believe that Kim's on coke, at the veryleast.Picking through trash: check, and cokehead clue No. 1; Erratic behavior that includes nonstop irrelevant chatter: Check!

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I hope this is the last time Taylor has dramatics and spoils everyone else's good time. They can't even go to Hawaii without her calling and boo hooing. Then she brings her shrink to the Sur party! What will she do for attention? I hope Bravo dumps her and that stupid Dana.

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I too use to hate Camille but since she lost that 200 pound goof she is a much better behaved person.I really like the new her and hope she replaces that other guy with a good looking stud.Younger would not hurt either.I have never liked Taylor in any way you put her.