Jersey Shore Recap: Pauly Gettin' Swacked, Meatballs Gettin' Macked!

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Last week, Jersey Shore focused on the aftermath of Mike getting his ass kicked by a wall, and on Snooki's ongoing relationship issues with Jionni.

Amazingly, it was Ron who helped both his co-stars work through their issues. Elsewhere, Pauly and Vinny introduced us to the glory that is FPC.

Now that everything is back to normal (sort of), the gang reverted to vintage skanky, drunken, hilarious form at the (Italian) shore last night.

As always, we break down all of the top Jersey Shore quotes and moments for you as we recap Thursday's gripping installment, THG +/- style!

Deena and Snooki Kissing

The roommates/producers decide to take a weekend trip to visit the beaches in Riccione. How on earth did they ever get time off from "work"?? Minus 4.

"It looks like Hawaii, so it's like an island, or maybe on a border of a continent, you know what I mean, so it's like by ocean." - Effing Snooki. Minus 11.

So many suitcases, so few days, so little room atop Italian cars. Plus 2.

The guys met Mike's Italian "twin." Now THERE'S a situation! Plus 2.

At least he's neck brace-free now. Although that was hilarious. Wash.

The girls proceeded to get sloshed and learn how to say vagina in Italian. Plus 3, because that body part was certainly on the minds of two of them.

Snooki plowed into a bush. More foreshadowing for later. Plus 9.

She and Deena proceeded to break it down so hard on the dance floor that the latter's panties fell down. Dudes, that can't happen by mistake. Minus 7.

Pauly and Vinny Watch the Lesbians

Team Meatballs was, of course, late to dinner. Then MIA at dinner. They did make it to the club, though, coo-ca displays and all. Parents? So proud. Plus 6.

Snooki and Deena start full-on making out with each other at the club. It's the kind of thing that would be sexier if it weren't, you know, Snooki and Deena. Still, pretty funny how low these two will stoop, so Plus 10.

Plus 9 more for the image directly above. The fans dig it.

Dooki (we like that one) fell down walking to the cab. Ouch. Fortunately they were there to tongue each other back to health. It's starting to get weird and nearing the point where you wish you could un-watch it. If only. Minus 17.

JWoww sums it up as well as we ever could: "Nicole and Deena are digesting each other's tongues. I am so skeeved out I want to throw up." Same. Plus 6.

Even Sam gets in on it: "I don't even make out this long with Ron." Plus 5.

Vinny, later: "It smells like hot sweat and regret in here." Yep. Plus 4.

Snooki Breathalyzer

The two idiots wake up clothed, so they likely didn't do anything more to each other in bed. Plus 6, because JWoww would've had an aneurysm otherwise.

Plus 10 for Vinny's all-time comeback after Deena says "I need a food" (absurd in itself). "I thought you ate enough last night," he says. UP TOP!

Jionni somehow does not freak out when he hears about this, which is nice. But Plus only 3, because if he had the visuals we did it might be a different story.

Pauly D got straight up swacked - when one's swagger is jacked - by Ronnie, stealing his signature move of waking peeps up. No FPC, but we like it! Plus 6.

While off to put the G in GTL, Snooki REAR-ENDS A POLICE CAR, resulting in one officer carted off on a stretcher and two meatballs taken downtown. Minus 32 for her sheer ineptitude and for MTV somehow allowing her to drive, at all.

If Snooki were ordered to be given a breathalyzer at random days and times during the week - the way pro athletes are randomly drug tested - how often would she be under the legal limit? We'd say rarely if ever. Plus 5.

"I don't want to go in a cop car ever again." - Snook. Odds of that? Slim. Minus 3.

EPISODE TOTAL: +21. SEASON TOTAL: +128.

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