Bachelor Pad Recap: Jake vs. Kasey, Winner Take All

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Last night on Bachelor Pad, Melissa went insane, Jake's feud with Kasey escalated, Bret Michaels showed up, and there was synchronized swimming involved.

Just another eventful night on ABC's guilty pleasure spinoff hit.

By the end, it was Jake Pavelka and Kasey Kahl on the block again, with a weird ending that would have people talking if the format actually mattered.

Read about it below in THG's official +/- Bachelor Pad recap:

Not In Sync

Blake, on Melissa: "She's like a live wire that's flailing around on the ground ready to zap somebody, and I'm covered in water." Plus 4 for that metaphor.

Speaking of water, the challenge is synchronized swimming! If you thought the girls would have a big edge here, boy did you think wrong. Minus 5.

Obligatory Minus 2 for Erica's attempt at "swimming."

Despite not playing to his self-proclaimed strengths - mental durability, physical strength and problem solving - Jake is the star ballerina! Plus 9.

Michael wins the rose, however, resulting in another boring, sappy date with Holly. Minus only 1, though, because at least this wasn't scripted.

Vienna Girardi, who was asked to come along on Mike's date for reasons unknown to all, spends the whole time whining. God, she is painful. Minus 9.

Once you get past the random, awkward ridiculousness of his cameo and "performance" for Holly and Mike, Bret Michaels is kind of the man. Plus 11.

Song choice: "Every Rose Has Its Thorn." Obvi. Plus 4.

Michelle Money, the girls' winner, is pretty darn likable on Bachelor Pad. Plus 13 for turning around her image. She's not perfect, but seems genuine.

Michelle Money Shot

Minus 7, though, for her pronunciation of Graham. Graaaaaaaaaahm. Not annoying at all. Plus 3 for those two, while we're at it. So cute together!

"I think you're great," Michelle says. "You barely know me," Graham responds. Still, they make out hard. Michelle definitely gets after it. Plus 5.

Minus 4 for the rose appearing and disappearing from Graaaaaaaaaaahm's shirt. Even we noticed that one, editors. Step up your game.

Back at the Pad, Jake Pavelka conspires to plot Kasey's demise. Plus 6.

Sadly, his plot does not involve playing "The Rainbow Connection" on repeat until Kasey loses his mind, attacks him and is removed from the house. Minus 3.

"I was willing to do whatever I need to do." - Jake, who then backed up his words, alright. He kissed Erica, and it was nothing short of foul. Minus 10.

She was a fan, however. "I have good lips that I maintain by getting injections every six months," she says. Gross, but Plus 6 for unintentional comedy.

Hey, look at that, we forgot William was still on the show! Plus 5.

The more riled up Kasey gets, the harder he is to understand, as his voice resembles a frog's. Plus 19, because no one cares what he's saying anyway.

Kasey Kahl Photo
Vienna Girardi Bikini Photo

Vienna Girardi's fake boobs are ALL over the place this week. Like, more than usual. Given her personality, how did she ever win The Bachelor?! Minus 3.

Kasey gets down on one knee and gives Vienna a ring ... a promise ring. SO lame, and yet fitting, as these two are developmentally in first grade. Wash.

Even Vienna can't take Kasey's singing half seriously. Take a hint. Unless ABC is paying him cash under the table to pull this, what a douche. Minus 11.

Melissa is freaking out. Like, panic-attack style. Xanax time. Minus 2.

A twist: Only one guy will go home this week! Not that anyone watches Bachelor Pad for the competition aspect, but Minus 4 for rules changing weekly.

With one final rose remaining, Chris just says "Kasey" ... and then we fade to black. Huh? He then says on Twitter that "It will all make sense next week!" Is Bachelor Pad trying to make us think? What gives? So confusing. Minus 15.

One theory: Jake punches Kasey in the junk before he bolts for the limo, and ABC just wanted to save that for next week's show. We can hope. Plus 2.

The Mask always cracks us up with his spots during the credits. Plus 3.

EPISODE TOTAL: +14. SEASON TOTAL: +28.

GONE: Jake Pavelka (we think), Dignity.

Whose side are you on?

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Kasey is a low life scum. I am or I WAS his flat mate, let me say this, he is a backstabbing, using white racist!! He gets drunk and while walking with friends showing off, refers every African American as a N****R. I believe its free speech in the USA, but he goes over the top. I'm even prepared to go on camera to verify what he says and what he does and even show phone footage of him yelling out across a street doing this. He has said to me the law wont touch him because he keeps saying 'people power' and has too many fans to be touched!! Pfft...

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so sweet babe . so hot

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Kasey and Vienna --- what else can you say but SNAKE and CLUELESS

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I AGREE WITH EVERYONE WHO CANT STAND THE UGG COUPLE,THEY MAKE ME GAGG.I COULDNT STAND VIENNA SASUAGE WHEN SHE WAS ON THE BACHALOR WITH JAKE,SAME GOES WITH KASY THE GOBBLE MOUTH,CANT UNDERSTAND ANY THING HE MUMMBLES.I WAS SO DAMN MAD WHEN HIS SO CALLED FRIENDS STABBED HIM IN THE BACK AND HE WAS VOTED OFF!I WAS SO MAD I TURNED THE CHANNEL AND DECLARED I WASNT EVER WATCHING AGAIN,BUT I FLIPPED BACK JUST TO SEE IF KASY WAS VOTED OFF TO FROG LAND-AND VIENNA WAS MADE INTO A ROLL OF SHIT THAT SHE IS!SORRY BUT THE SHOW REALLY SUCKED THIS TIME AROUND!I HOPE JAKE GETS A BETTER DEAL SOMEWHEAR
ELSE HES BETTER THAN THE REST! GOOD LUCK JAKE HOPE TO SEE YOU AROUND AGAIN.
PFPRISS

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PX- read what you write before you send it.... Kasey and Vienna-- Worst couple to have on the show. Jake, he's okay. I only watched it to see how Jake would be. People who don't see Vienna for what she really is are obviously just as bad as she is. But, hey, it's a show. Isn't the show already done and decided like the Bachelor and Bachelorette-- so anything any of us write here is really useless.

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THEY REALLY NEED TO GET RID OF THE SNAKE OF KASEY, AND HIS DOG. BOTH ARE SO NASTY. HE DID NOT EVEN KNOW JAKE. THE WEINNER OF HIS DOGSIDE TOLD HIM LIES ABOUT JAKE. HOW CAN THEY LET THOSE TWO TAKE OVER THE HOUSE. WAKE UP KIDS YOU REALLY NEED TO GROW UP

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I don't want to watch if Jake is gone either. Jake has unfairly been targeted. Since when do people have to hookup with someone just because the other person wants too. It has to be a two way desire. I don't think Jake is a bad guy, I think he is a fool to go along with this idea just because he hasn't found someone he wants to be with permanently means there is something wrong with him. Maybe he is more intelligently than the women that want him. He does have a weakness for the underdog, Vienna appeared to be an underdog, and she caused the people to treat her the way they didn't. Vienna wants a man she can boss around, real men don't let women run their show, Jake is more a man than Vienna wanted to deal with. The show is now down to petty boring people. BORIIIIIINNNGGG.

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OMG.....it is so hard to watch..we all say thing that should be said on the show...wouldof,couldof,shouldof...get a grip people or are they really this shallow ....let Jake go...NO...Melissa had to go...Kasey yes...William NO....Vienna a great big YESSSSS...what a foney...she says everyone else is a foney come on wake up kids...I know you're not that dum...really....like I said get a grip...what lossers....I think Ella & Kurt should win it & each other..they are so cute together....go team E&K

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OH PLEASE!! Vienna is a rude, selfish, baby bitch. I have spoken to her personally and she showed every color she does on T.V. She was horrible and I wanted to smack her!! I am sick of her and Kasey which is from my town sorry to say. Please!! I will not be watching the show either if Jake is gone.it will never bethe same without Jake and I hope the ratings go down and Kasey goes home next if he has not already..I am not sure who went home. LOL I am mad toooo that I got caught up in this..

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I really detest Kasey and Vienna.They both act like 2 year olds.Vienna has a mouth on her,not lady like at all.I now do not want to waste my time watching. them squable.Bring Jake back!