Samantha Ronson to Lindsay Lohan: Lay Off the Crack!

"If you're having girl problems I feel bad for you son ... I got 99 problems but a b!tch ain't one." - Jay-Z

If only Samantha Ronson could say the same. Whatever dumpster Lindsay Lohan ended up in last night, she got the obligatory, accusatory Tweets out first.

Alleging that her ex is selling her out to celebrity gossip sites, along with plenty of other gibberish, the train wreck had this to say to her DJ ex:

• I'm pretty sure that @samantharonson just threw a fit @33years old and my friend tal @draishollywood ... illegally open NOW at this hour
• Asked me, after being here jus 4 Timbalands birthday-to leave even though she stayed over just 2nights ago-tired of @samantharonson
• Playing the innocent card, while chatting to tmz just like my ex-father, when all I've ever done is fall for a girl

Yep. All she's ever done is fall for a girl ... hurl drinks at a girl, accuse a girl of doing Miley's ex, fall in a cactus, and have DFCS officials visit, etc.

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WHAT A MESS: We sympathize with Samantha.

This rant apparently resulted from LL getting kicked out of a club (so much for her retirement) last night at Ronson's request after she went insane in there.

Sam's response to Lindsay's online babbling was to Tweet the following:

• "I'm not here. This isn't happening."
• If I sing that to myself enough times will it be true?
• One more thing- if you're gonna be an idiot an do coke- do it outside the bathroom- some of us actually use them to pee in.
• Jack and crack will make for some crazy tweets.

Indeed. We eagerly await her retaliatory Tweets once the janitor tosses the previous night's trash into the bin outside the club and she wakes up in there.

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