The Bachelor Recap: Tenley and Vienna Survive

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Jake Pavelka traveled to St. Lucia with his three remaining women on The Bachelor last night. Despite the best efforts of Gia Allemand and a last-ditch do-over request by Ali Fedotowsky, he narrowed the field to just two lucky ladies:

Tenley Molzahn and Vienna Girardi.

How did he arrive at this painstaking decision? As always, THG endured Jake's trials and tribulations on The Bachelor to recap the action in our point system:

The "shocking return" of Ali Fedotowsky was the hyped event this week. She lies in bed with promotional pics of Jake that Mike Fleiss gave her when he wrote this. Or she printed online because she's a stalker. Either way, Plus 30.

Ali Fedotowsky Photo

Back in San Francisco, Ali pretends to lament her decision.

Jake often calls Gia "deep." What does that even mean? Minus 6.

Jake says he'd return to St. Lucia on a honeymoon as it has "a lot of meaning." Hard to top the place where you slept with three girls in one week, it's true. Plus 5.

Gia: "When I look into Jake's eyes, I get lost." Jealous. Minus 3.

A Fantasy Suite card is delivered, they hop in the tub in the suite and Jake says "Gia has grabbed on to my heart so hard." He could not be more awkward. Plus 4.

Minus 8 because we really should have added "take a sip every time Tenley says 'my ex'" to our Bachelor drinking game. We could've been so trashed last night!

Jake says he can't wait to watch his first sunrise with Tenley Molzahn. Plus 6 because with these two, that probably actually is what they were thinking about.

In the span of about like minutes Jake refers to Vienna Girardi as light, fun, immature, and "nurturing." LOL wut. This is your future wife, Jake?! Minus 17.

Mauling Jake

Vienna Girardi mauls Jake Pavelka. No wonder she's in the finale.

After inhaling Jake's face aboard a pirate ship, Vienna busts out her finest Wal-Mart lingerie and closes the suite door. Plus 3, because at least she goes for broke.

Re: the fantasy suite concept: Do girls put out when he's "dating" two others? We're guessing definitely Vienna and maybe Gia. No bone zone for Tenley. Even.

Twist alert! Ali calls Jake (cameras just happened to be rolling) and says she'll "forever" regret her decision. Until she stars on The Bachelorette, that is. Plus 7.

Jake's absurd reasoning for not taking her back: he's so much closer to the other three girls since Ali left. Dude, this happened like yesterday afternoon. Minus 14.

A half hour of filler ended the episode, but Plus 4 for the over-dramatic, music-free cut to commercial while Ali cried. That's when you know it's emotional!

TOTAL: +11. SEASON: +12. Roses: Tenley, Vienna. Gone: Gia, Ali (again).

Who should Jake Pavelka give his final rose to?

 

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i personally think that vienna and tenley are both wrong for him. first off vienna has a lazy eye. and tenley 's not even true beauty. she's all fake. she was customly made. the girl from new york, is the prettiest and the best thing that would ever happen to him. but he didnt choose her. so thanks for not choosing her, she could do a hell of a lot better!! P.S. i wish you the best of luck with cyclops(vienna), and malibu barbie(tenley) peace.

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Tenley should win! I love her so much. Jake and her would be such a cute couple.

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THE 2 REMAINING TURN ME OFF!! NEITHER ONE IS A FOREVER GIRL FOR JAKE. HIS HEART SHOULD HAVE BEEN LEFT IN SAN FRAN WITH ALI!!

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Jake has to be the cheesiest Bachelor of all time. What a waste of time!! It should have been a clue last season when he turned into a tattle-tale about Wes...ONLY after he was eliminated. Most men don't tattle on each other,unless they're extremely insecure and jealous. He said he did it because he thought Jillian deserved to know the truth about Wes's personality. But this season,he certainly hasn't cared about hearing the "truth" about Vienna's personality. Just about every one of the women have warned him. What a joke this show has turned out to be.

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Neither one-a fun time was had by Jake and now he can go back to being a flight instructor.

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I think Jake in high on drama and low on honesty. I actually think he hasn't found ANYONE on this show and he is just going a long for the ride. That's why he will pick Vienna and then (ohhh no surprise) will find out that Vienna has alot of baggage and dump her....that way he won't have to be honest and will just let Vienna take the fall for him. And everyone will be sorry for him..and Vienna becomes the villian again. This show is starting to be what I would say "loser!"

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I think he should go get Ali
makes you think of another Bachelor where one of the dumped girls later became the Bachelorette and he came on her show only to be dumped and humiliated just as she had been on his show
real-wishes dot com where wishes become reality

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I like Vienna. Stop hating. She gets the man. Ali is annoying, also fake phone call? really? oh and you guys need to learn how to spell. Please it's embarassing, i had a good laugh, go back to first grade.

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Stupid stupid stupid - if he does pick Vienna he deserves the mess of a life he is going to get - banjo music and all....what a joke. She is the worst of all the 25 and I am finished with this show,

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The Bachelor hit an all time low this season and went for scandal over substance. The viewers are too smart to buy unto this scripted show. If Vienna wins, the show is totally discredited! Anyone who watches this show can see she is the WORST choice for any Bachelor ever! and the she is only on the show to promote herself. This is a bunch of crap. Jake looks like a cheesy soap opera actor and any decent girl has already gone home. Please! He keeps the two who have been divorced already!!! This show is for the small minded, those who cannot think for themselves! ABC better read the messages boards and tape an alternative ending before they lose half of their viewers! Vienna is a loser!!!!!

The Bachelor Quotes

There’s still a lot of growing to do in our relationship. We will not tie the knot until I am mentally and physically prepared as well as Matt.

Shayne Lamas

It was a fairytale proposal like I’ve always dreamed about. I forgot that there [were] cameras around. In that moment, it was just Matt and I and it was the most amazing moment of my entire life.

Shayne Lamas [on proposal by Matt Grant]
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