“This is not what I wanted when I was a little girl ... I always looked up to people like Princess Diana and now I can never be like that.” - Paris Hilton
Poor, poor thing. Every day in the life of America's favorite ho-tel heiress is, like, so painstakingly difficult to endure, she doesn't know if she can go on. Or so she would have us believe in a new MTV documentary called Paris, Not France.
Yes, we're serious. This miserable excuse for a network could not find anything better to spend its production budget on? Season Three of From G's to Gents didn't make the cut, guys? Since when are people still riveted by Paris Hilton?
Filmed in black and white, to make sure we understand that the subject matter is, like, so deep, this behind-the-scenes look into the life of Paris is meant to be taken seriously. We think. It's pretty high on the unintentional comedy scale:
In the documentary, Paris whines about how this cruel world sees her as "as Barbie with a perfect life, this fantasy." It's not like she has ever played into this image or attempted to cash in or anything. No wonder her neighbors want her gone.
She also offers this gem of a quote regarding the sex tape she made with Rick Salomon (which put her on the celebrity map back in 2004):
"When I heard about it, I just didn't believe it... I thought, 'it's a look-alike, it's gotta be a joke.' A couple hours later, it was like all over online. I saw it online. With that, that was just like, you know ... this is the most intimate thing you do ... and the whole f*%king world is looking at it and laughing at you."
Yes. Apparently the most intimate thing you can do is be filmed in night-vision mode, engaging in doggy-style intercourse, while taking calls on your cellphone. You learn something every day in the celebrity gossip business.