Let us be clear right up front:
This is not a ranking of the worst people on the planet.
If that were the case, it would simply be comprised of Donald Trump and all those in his administration.
Instead, it's a rundown of the biggest turkeys in and around Hollywood throughout 2019; those who were lame, those who were pathetic, those who were stupid and annoying and sad and...
... you know, turkeys.
Who sits at the top (bottom?) of our rankings?
Scroll down to find out!
At the forefront of the tweens-to-white nationalism pipeline is video game villain PewDiePie, who has a hugely racist fanbase. In 2019, this dude pulled a donation to a Jewish anti-hate charity -- and announced it wearing the Iron Cross. Also, he's a transphobe.
We didn't hear much from him for a significant chunk of the year, but then the rapper said he takes his teenage daughter to the doctor on a frequent basis and asks if her hymen is intact to make sure she's still a virgin. T.I. has since tried to explain this comment away -- but it's way too late, dude.
Representative Devin Nunes, a Republican from California and ranking member of the House Intelligence Committee, is suing a fictional cow. He has also pushed a Russian-sponsored conspiracy theory about Ukraine and has been accused of using campaign donations in an illegal fashion, while also turning to another country in order to dig up dirt on a political opponent.
The veteran actress is in jail right now. She pleaded guilty for using her fame and fortune to violate the college admissions rules and get her kid accepted into USC.
The former professional baseball player admitted this summer to having sent sexts to a mistress, while his wife was pregnant with their twins. We're pretty sure he did more than that, too. Jim and Meghan are now getting a divorce amid chatter that he had an inappropriate relationship with the couple's nanny.
It’s a joke you’ve probably heard over and over this year, but we couldn’t close out 2019 without making it one more time: Aunt Becky is about to go from Full House to the big house. Lori Loughlin isn’t the only famous actress to face jail time as a result of her role in the college admissions bribery scandal. But while Huffman accepted a plea deal and had the decency to look contrite as she left the courthouse, Loughlin is fighting the charges and posing for selfies with fans as though this is just another one of her Hallmark movies. If she’s found guilty of buying her daughters way into USC, Loughlin could get locked up for a very long time — so hopefully she’s making the most of this year’s Thanksgiving
Obviously, the turkey is not the bird that’s most analogous to R. Kelly. After all, the flightless gobblers are usually harmless, they serve an actual purpose, and they’ve even been known to bring people joy. No, for R, Kelly you would need a bird that’s predatory but not remotely worthy of respect — a syphillitic vulture, perhaps. We won’t spoil your holiday weekend by recounting the many sex crimes Kelly was accused of in 2019, but suffice it to say, we’re hoping this bird will soon be doing his singing from a cage.
We thought of the original conceit for these rankings based on Pratt and his... turkey-ness. And, wouldn't you know, he and many of his The Hills castmates returned in 2019! We understand if you didn't notice, though. Not many viewers did, either.
Did she do anything especially noteworthy in 2019? Not really. But just being Farrah Abraham -- exploiting her daughter, mocking current Teen Mom stars, acting more important than basically anyone on Earth -- is enough to earn her a permanent spot here each year.
Joe and Teresa Giudice (Tie)
We can't separate these two, as their ongoing marital saga continues to consume nearly every second of Bravo programming. Will Joe get deported? Will the couple get divorced? Who cares and who cares?!? They are wealthy and entitled and greedy and got themselves into this mess by breaking federal bankruptcy laws.
The British Media
Just... the entire media. They've banded together to make like Hell for Markle, sparking rumors of a feud between her and Kate Middleton, while painting the ex-actress as a pompous American. Finally sick of their crap, Markle and Harry have filed a lawsuit against one of these tabloids.
TEAM TAYLOR FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!
Vladimir Putin's puppet had to land somewhere on this list. In truth, he deserves the top spot -- due to all that historically corrupt stuff he does on a daily basis -- but then he'd have just bragged about winning. So we put him here instead.
He has a mental disorder, so we do wanna tread lightly here. But he has portrayed the people who made him rich and famous by aligning himself with the MAGA movement and his declarations of basically being the most talented human being who has ever lived is getting old.
She did not collude with Russia or Ukraine. But the disgraced Teen Mom star was arrested in July for allegedly assaulting her boyfriend, even reportedly using a machete as part of this attack... while her boyfriend was holding the couple's young son in his arms.
Sort of like the Farrah Abraham of The Duggars, in that he'll always end up on this list. That's what happens when you molest your sisters and cheat on your wife.
While Hannah Brown and Peter Weber were having harmless fun in a windmill, Luke Parker was perseverating over her genitals. As if slut-shaming Hannah for banging her own suitors wasn't bad enough, Luke has doubled down since then, crying foul to anyone who will listen.
The good news for Todd Chrisley is that he managed to beat some of the tax evasion charges against him. The bad news? Well, there’s a whole lot of that. For one thing, Chrisley is still facing prison time thanks to the many other counts of fraud he’ll soon be forced to answer for in court. On top of that, Chrisley managed to destroy both his career and his family when he blackmailed his daughter by threatening to release her sex tape. We’re guessing the whole Chrisley clan won’t be gathering to watch Todd carve the bird this year.
The runaway "winner" among our staff. He somehow failed to finish on top after allegedly beating his own wife in October 2018, but he then confessed to flat-out murdering his family dog a few months later. Jenelle Evans has since announced she's separating from her violent husband, while documenting in legal papers at least 11 times he has threatened her or her kids.