So how great are all those guys on Teen Mom, huh?! Such remarkable specimens of manhood, every one of them, filled to the brim with integrity, compassion, and grace.
... Wait, like 85% of them are completely terrible human beings?
Sure, some of them baby daddies are awful, but some of the aren't! Some of them are kind of OK, and a few are even great!
Check out our ranking of all the Teen Mom fellas, from best to worst.
And prepare to be amazed, as always, at the level of awfulness on this show.
Cole DeBoer is Chelsea Houska's husband, and thank goodness for that. He's a wonderful stepfather to Aubree (and he's made it clear that he's ready to adopt her if/when Adam gives up his parental rights for her like he did with his other child), he and Chelsea have had two precious babies together so far, and ever since he first came on the show, he's been perfect.
He's an easy number one, y'all.
Taylor McKinney is Maci Bookout's husband, and they share two children together, Jayde and Maverick -- and they're often talking about having more, whether it's through more pregnancies or fostering and adoption. They're also raising Bentley, the son Maci had with Ryan Edwards, and it's safe to say that Taylor is doing all the heavy dad lifting there, too. Sure, Taylor drinks Bud Light like it's water and he's in a desert, but he's an amazing father.
Tyler Baltierra has been with Catelynn Lowell since they were 12 years old (yes, literally), and when she got pregnant at 16, they placed their daughter up for adoption. They've since had two more children, daughters Nova and Vaeda, and they've been through just a lot of stuff together. He can be pretty insensitive sometimes, but he's proven that he's one of the best dads and husbands in the whole franchise.
Let's just say it: Gary was not great in the early days of Teen Mom. He never did anything to deserve being abused by Amber, to be clear, but he was kind of a jerk. Fortunately he's matured a bit over the years, and he seems like a great father to Leah and Emilee, the daughter he shares with wife Kristina. And thank goodness for that, because it looks like Amber may be headed back to prison soon.
Oh, Andrew ... where do we begin? He loses points for his history of restraining orders, but the way he's stepped up for baby James after Amber's horrifying meltdown in July is definitely commendable. Since the arrest, we've heard plenty of evidence that's proved that she'd been abusing him for nearly a year before the July assault, and Andrew has said that she'd even been rough with James, too. It looks like he's placing James' safety and wellbeing above all else, and if that's not being a good dad, what is?
Corey Simms was married to Leah Messer, and they had twins Ali and Gracie. They got divorced when Leah couldn't stay faithful to him (and also because they had twins and got married when they were teenagers), but Corey's been a good father, and a good coparent with Leah. He's just a good ol' boy, y'all.
Jo Rivera is the father of Kailyn Lowry's oldest son, Isaac, and he also shares a daughter named Vivi with his wife, Vee. Jo and Kailyn dated when they were teenagers, but it wasn't long before they realized they were terrible together. For a good few years there, they weren't great at the whole co-parenting thing either, and it seems like they're having issues again now, but hey, they always manage to work it out.
Cory is new to the Teen Mom franchise -- he's Cheyenne Floyd's former boyfriend and the father of their daughter, Ryder. We may not know as much about him as the other guys because he simply hasn't been around as long, but so far he seems like a pretty solid guy, right? He gets along fine with Cheyenne, he's an active father to Ryder ... good job, Cory!
Jeremy Calvert was married to Leah Messer, and they share one daughter, Addie. Jeremy runs his mouth a lot and says lots of ignorant things, but this is less of a list about who these guys are as people and more about who they are as fathers and partners, and lately he's really stepped up his game in those areas. There are the constant rumors and he and Leah are back together, and while we don't know about that, we know that they are definitely getting along, and he's also definitely been spending more time with Addie than he has in the past.
Simon Sarah was the most serious boyfriend Farrah ever had on the show, so he's kind of awful by association, right? Sure, he called her out on her nonsense from time to time, and he was fun to watch on the show, but we wouldn't call him a good guy or anything.
Leah dated this guy, Jason Jordan, twice -- and it didn't work out either time. At first he seemed all right. He was a bit older than her, but that meant he was more mature, right, so he would be a better fit for Leah and her three children? Not so much. It turned out that he gave her daughers the creeps, and when he got too controlling, Leah gave him the boot. Not a great boyfriend, and thankfully not around long enough to see what kind of father he would be.
Javi Marroquin was married to Kailyn Lowry, and they share one son together, Lincoln. Javi was also a pretty great stepdad to Kailyn's first son, Isaac, and now he has another son with his fiancee, Lauren. His issue is not so much with being a good dad as it is about being a good romantic partner -- he was controlling with Kailyn, super weird with Briana, he cheated on Lauren and said on the show that she was his second choice to Briana and it's even come out that he was juggling all three of those ladies at the same time. So yeah, pretty solid dad, but as a boyfriend? Nope.
Devoin is Briana DeJesus' ex-boyfriend and the father of her oldest daughter, Nova. And boy, do they have their issues. For a long time there, Briana would complain about how he never spent any time with Nova, but she also refused to let him see her anywhere that wasn't her living room. And when she finally agreed to let him take her to stay with him, he took her to a pool then got drunk while she was playing in the water, which understandably upset Briana a lot. So sorry, Devoin, but you're not making it too high on a list like this.
Chris Lopez is the father of Kailyn's third son, Lux, and he's also dated her at least a couple times. Their relationship history is so messy, it's hard to really make any kind of judgement about it, you know? She's claimed that he was abusive and a deadbeat dad, he's claimed that she lies about him -- it really is just a very, very messy situation. But it does look like he really loves Lux and takes care of him when he has his time with him, so that's cool.
It would be totally inconceivable and morally wrong if we did any sort of comprehensive post about Teen Mom dudes and didn't mention KIEFFAH. This guy was Jenelle Evans' first real boyfriend on Teen Mom 2, and ... wow. With Kieffer at her side, Jenelle started partying harder, she stole her mother's credit card, and she started doing heroin. He's no gem, but he's definitely not the worst of Jenelle's love interests.
Luis is the father of Briana's second daughter, Stella, and she didn't date him so much as she hooked up with him in a club, got pregnant, then half-heartedly dated him for a few months before deciding to cut him loose. He doesn't really see Stella much at all, and there's not much else to say about him.
Aww, look, it's Andrew "Who?" Lewis! Andrew, in case you missed it, was Jenelle Evans' boyfriend back in the day, and a paternity test proved that he's the father of her oldest child, Jace. He's such a weird, creepy dude, but he did sign over his parental rights, so at least he's not all up in Jace's life, corrupting the hell out of him. If only we could say the same for Jenelle ...
Hey, look, it's gross old Matt Baier, Amber Portwood's ex-boyfriend and Deadbeat Dad Extraordinaire! Matt creeped his way into Amber's life after hitting on a few other Teen Moms, and he brought along his shady past, including numerous children that he helped bring into the world before completely abandoning them. If you're wondering why Matt isn't lower on the list, it's because he was pretty OK to Amber's daughter, Leah.
Nathan Griffith was once engaged to Jenelle Evans, and he's the father of her second child, Kaiser. He can come across as kind of likable on the show, but make no mistake, he's got a whoooole lot of issues. He has a handful of DUIs, he's been accused of domestic violence more than once, and he could stand to be a little more active in Kaiser's life -- like, maybe he could just even live in the same state.
If you just felt a wave of nausea, don't worry: it's not food poisoning, it's not morning sickness, it's just David Eason! David's the father of Jenelle Evans' third kid, and she goes on and on about how great he is, and how she's finally with "a REAL man." Unfortunately, this "real man" is a disgusting homophobic abusive dog-murdering douchebag. She sure can pick 'em, huh?
We're getting down to the bottom of the barrel here, friends. Ryan is just not great in any capacity. He's father to Bentley, the son he shares with Maci, and Jagger, the son he shares with Mackenzie Standifer -- they have a daughter on the way as well. Unfortunately, instead of being an active father to his children or a doting husband to Mackenzie, he usually just gets arrested then goes to rehab. He's struggled with a bad heroin addiction for at least a couple of years now, and although his family has been insisting he's clean, not everyone believes that that's true.
... But Adam is still THE WORST. He's been arrested about a billion times for things like DUIs and domestic violence and failure to pay child support. He had a court-ordered drug test and failed it because he had a "substantial amount" of meth in his system. He gave up his parental rights to Paislee, he daughter he shared with girlfriend Taylor Halbur, and although he's still Aubree's dad, he's only allowed to see her at a visitation center -- he usually skips out on those visits though. There really isn't one single redeemable thing about him, as a father or as a boyfriend, and that's sad.