90 Day Fiance: Happily Ever After? Season 5 Episode 7 featured some family dinners, some apologies, and some FIGHTS.
Angela is so terrorized by a goat head that Michael doesn’t know how to respond.
Colt’s family dinner with Jess goes well … right up until Jess tells Debbie to eff off.
Chuck arrives in Moldova, determined to learn more about Andrei’s past.
Asuelu apologizes to Kalani … but can he keep his promise?
Paul actually secures lodgings for Karine.
Larissa moves in with her boyfriend … only to learn a horrifying truth about what happened after their last breakup.
Let’s break it all down!
Let’s start with Angela and Michael
Angela Deem and Michael Ilesanmi are preparing for dinner with Michael’s mom at their apartment. Angela is a mix of “very reasonably objecting to gender roles” and “I’m an AMERICAN.” She could find a more respectful way to explain why she’s not going to be Michael’s servant, but that’s not in her nature.
Michael tries to talk her into it
Angela says that so many things will be done the American way because they are in Nigeria, but she also expects to do things the American way in America, so it’s hard to see where Michael comes out on top in any of these “compromises.”
They go shopping for food
Angela is horrified by the lack of refrigeration in the open food market. This is where she once again isn’t unreasonable in some ways (it’s okay to have hygiene standards!) but cannot behave herself in a civil manner. Atrocious behavior, entertaining reality TV.
She doesn’t love how many ingredients they have to buy
Michael wants to serve his mom traditional food. Angela wants to just order an American style pizza.
And then
Angela is put off by the sight and smell of the goat meat in the market.
Michael encourages her to get some meat
It’s not clear if Michael is really encouraging her or if he is deliberately trolling her because of what a huge weenie she’s being.
It continues
It’s unclear just how many of these things are Angela’s focus and how many are just the cameras playing up her environment. You know, she’s from the rural south. Pig feet are not that uncommon of a food in some parts of the rural south, especially given Angela’s age. Are goat legs so different?
Michael presses the issue
Okay, he has to be trolling her at this point, not because buying meat is inherently cringeworthy but because her reaction is playing so well for the cameras.
Wouldst thou live deliciously?
The goat heads sort of stole the show on Happily Ever After?, and Angela had had enough.
Angela flipped out
This time, instead of jealously screaming at Michael like she did on last week’s episode, she’s just visibly disgusted. Is Michael playing this up for reality TV or as revenge for the way that she treats him? I’m so curious.
Ostensibly, Michael is bewildered
Culturally, Americans like to maintain a distance between their food and eating it. This has good elements (not having to live as any kind of farmer) and negative consequences (air pollution from transporting food longer distances). Most of us only see the severed head of anything on TV.
Still, it was too much
Even if he was trolling her, Angela should have acted like a respectful person and not someone running from a giant spider. Manners, please.
Look who’s coming to dinner
Angela is told that she “should” cook for Michael’s mom, but she is adamantly opposed to it. We don’t know that we’d characterize Angela as a “feminist” but she is definitely taking some of the early steps in that direction. Just imagine what she might be like if she’d had a different life … and could behave herself.
Her outfit is SOMETHING
She is basically draped in the American flag and it’s tacky as all get out. That kind of thing is tacky on July 4th in the US.
Pizza time!
Michael’s mom does not enjoy what he cooked, but Angela ordered a pizza and even encourages everyone to eat it with their hands. Angela was grossed out by goat heads. I’m grossed out by the sight of people touching food with their hands. We are not the same.
Colt Johnson!
A lot of people have compared him and Debbie to the show, Smothered. This episode and this Brazil trip in general feels more like Seeking Sister Wife. Colt wants to get married, but Debbie wants veto power.
Colt turns on the “charm”
Or whatever. As we have noted, many fans find Colt’s mannerisms when he is trying to be charming or funny to be deeply off-putting. Clearly, it works on some people. Maybe he’s really charismatic in person?
Jess introduces him
Remember, this is his first time meeting Jess’s family. He has to make a good impression. And, of course, he’s brought Debbie along.
Dinner time
This is not the only big family dinner in this episode. It’s a great way to get to know people.
Naturally, there are questions
Colt met Jess just six months after his separation from Larissa, and just happened to date yet another Brazilian woman? Questions are fair. They want to make sure that he doesn’t have a Brazil fetish and that Jess isn’t a rebound. We’re sure that the latter is not the case. As for the former … who can say?
Jess’ dad approves
Please note that we do not think that Silvio said “he’s a good boy for you,” literally, because that is how Jess talks. She did a decent job as a diplomatic translator, as far as we can tell.
Then …
Jess’ family brings up marriage, suggesting that it should be soon (they have some … we don’t want to excuse it by saying “old fashioned” … they have some ideas that people who are banging “need” to get married, it seems) and possibly even in that house.
Debbie is hearing Kill Bill sirens
She absolutely does not want even an engagement yet. Oh, Debbie. This will get MUCH messier next week, but it’s already causing problems.
Jess is picking up on the hostility
“I think Debbie likes to fight” is 100% right. We doubt that Debbie sees herself that way, she just thinks that she is advocating for her son.
Jess’ parents make a lot more sense
They see supporting Jess as supporting her life and her decisions because she’s an adult.
Jess knows Debbie’s issue with her
To be fair, Debbie might see her this way even if she weren’t wary about a Larissa 2.0. After all, Debbie was wary of Larissa from the start.
Jess gets into it with Debbie
She points out that she’s not like Larissa. By the way, this whole time, Colt just lays back and lets the two women in his life quarrel. Now THAT is a pattern from his marriage that continues to haunt him.
Jess goes for the jugular
She points out that Debbie cooks for Colt, does his laundry. This sounds like more of an indictment of Colt if you ask us, but whatever. (Nothing wrong with living with your mom in this nightmare economy, but I stopped letting my mom do my laundry when I was a teenager)
Colt is her child, but he is not A child
Colt is, Jess notes, 34 years old. He can do his own laundry — or learn how.
Jess’ parents hit the nail on the head
Debbie, they observe, seems to want Colt all for herself. There are normal attachments to your way of life and between family, and there is codependence. They have the latter.
Jess eventually says “f–k you!” to Debbie
Colt walks Debbie to catch a ride back to the hotel … and she is surprised to learn that he is not coming back with her.
As for Colt
He continued drinking with Jess’ family that night and was visibly hungover the next day.
He and Debbie played catch-up
Debbie is still not happy with any of this, but it’s not clear if Colt suspects HOW unhappy she is.
Colt and Jess visit the beach
Colt wears a speedo at Jess’ insistence and the two of them go walking along the beach.
Colt keeps defending his mom
Jess once again calls him a “baby boy,” referring to his constant defending of his mother.
And yet Jess is close with her dad
Colt tries to point out that it’s the same, probably because he doesn’t understand what a healthy mother-son relationship looks like. Jess notes that she does not live with her father.
Elizabeth and Andrei
Honestly, this episode was basically a Chuck episode, as if he and not his daughter or his son-in-law were the star. After Andrei’s atrocious behavior, we’re glad to see him.
Naturally, it took an hour to get his luggage
“Welcome to Moldova,” Andrei says. A lot of us make self-deprecating remarks about our respective countries’ shortcomings, acknowledging that things could and should be better in one way or another. Andrei almost seems to think that things SHOULD be worse. Is it just me?
Chuck is here with an ulterior motive
Whether it was assigned by producers or something he set out to look into on his own, he wants to find out more about Andrei’s past. Why did he and Elizabeth meet in Ireland? What about Andrei’s one year spent as a cop in Moldova? (We note that production may have given them this task because, well, if I were Chuck and wanted to learn about Andrei’s past, I’d hire a private investigator, not go there myself to ask questions to his face)
Stranger in a strange land
Moldova is a very different country, so Chuck has a number of questions. He asks if Moldova has Walmart, Amazon deliveries, salads, and BBQ. These are not stupid questions, but they sure are edited to seem that way, and Andrei agrees.
Andrei is glad to have the language barrier
The answer to those questions is no Walmarts in Moldova, though Walmart is a global company and they have tried expanding in Europe — notably, they failed spectacularly in Germany due to cultural differences between the brand and the locals. You can get very little if anything from Amazon in Moldova. They DO have salads but they are different from ours (I would personally, politely, pass). And there is an American barbecue restaurant in the Moldovan capitol that has been open for years.
The traffic is “dog eat dog,” Chuck notes
Andrei says that it’s “every man for himself,” an odd thing for a guy living on handouts from his father-in-law to say. It’s also a weird thing in which to take pride. Dangerous traffic is not a good thing.
Andrei’s family, at least, is welcoming
Despite Andrei’s attempts to poison them against his in-laws, they seem very friendly, and some of them don’t mind getting a chance to roast Andrei for being a layabout.
Chuck grills Andrei
When Andrei was a Moldovan cop, a police force that he describes as wildly corrupt, he made 200 euros a MONTH. We looked into the cost of living and folks, that’s less than it takes just to pay rent for a month on a one-bedroom apartment. I’d say that it’s comparable to someone in the US bringing in $700 per month. Fine as a side gig, never going to be enough … not through the salary, anyway.
Andrei resents the questions
He says that he told Elizabeth that he left Moldova for Ireland to get a better job, and that this should be the end of the conversation.
Elizabeth admits that she’d like for Andrei to, you know, work
Andrei acts like this is some huge betrayal, as if we haven’t all spent YEARS watching her encourage him to actually get a job.
Andrei blames “hormones”
After Elizabeth suggests that maybe now isn’t the best time for a second wedding after all, Andrei acts bewildered by her “mood.” Dude, you’re being a douchecanoe, don’t blame her ovaries.
Kalani and Asuelu!
Asuelu Pulaa is ready to admit that his childish behavior before was inexcusable, noting that he was acting out because he was disappointed that he couldn’t visit Samoa and he misses his family. One of those “reasonable motive, unreasonable actions” situations.
He and Kalani talk
As they swing their kids on the swings back home, it’s clear that time to think (plus a stern talk from Low Faagata, Kalani’s father) has given Asuelu a better perspective.
He apologizes
While the edit doesn’t cover him listing quite everything that he did wrong, he does seem sincere.
More importantly …
He vows to not do it again. Kalani notes that this is important, because he has apologized in the past only to then repeat the behavior. (Spoiler: he will repeat this behavior)
Asuelu wants a hug
This is a genuinely cute moment as they hug each other.
Awww
The two of them have made up, for now. Kalani is raising Asuelu to be a polite young man!
Then they chat with Asuelu’s mom and sister
They are in Washington. Notably, and it’s funny that they have to explain this because you’d think that it would be common knowledge, but because Samoa is an American territory, it’s less complicated for them to go back and forth.
They couldn’t visit Samoa
There was a Measles outbreak. No one should expose themselves to one of the most contagious diseases to ever exist (seriously, read up on it, it’s a nightmare), but especially not people with young children who are not at ideal ages for that particular vaccine. Notably, Asuelu’s mom is 100% on board with them postponing that visit, which shows that she is more sensible than Asuelu.
Asuelu’s mom says that she is “lazy” in America
Real talk, her meaning was clearly that she feels like she has nothing to do with her time. But the word “lazy” sure seems to fit the narrative around Asuelu’s view of gender roles this season.
And WHAT?
Asuelu’s mom jokes about being “ready to die.” Does she mean that she’s “bored to death?” She’s joking like a Millennial or Gen Z.
They’re going to visit!
Asuelu and Kalani will go visit them, and his mom is excited. Kalani does make Asuelu promise to not “throw her under the bus” around his family, and he agrees … before telling Kalani that he wants her to “be his bus driver.” That is super cute.
Then, Asuelu is asked for money
Asuelu can only send them $500, apologizing for having spent money on basic necessities instead of, uh, letting them extract money from him like ticks on a hog. He does kind of blame Kalani for it being $500 and not $1000. We get it, it’s a cultural difference.
Paul and Karine
Paul Staehle starts by picking up his dogs who have been at a “dog training facility” for A YEAR, apparently? I … I am nothing short of horrified. He also puts them in an outdoor cage. Ugh, I hope that someone else takes them to a loving home. To quote his own mother, I don’t know what’s wrong with him.
He has a new house
Okay, a new home. “House” might be pushing it. It’s more of a trailer. Or like one of those temporary “pods” that schools use when a building is being redone. It is a “studio” style, which is a very generous way of phrasing that it’s literally one single room with a bathroom. The bed and the stove are in the same room.
It doesn’t come with air conditioning
Paul has to install an AC window unit. We’d normally recommend a standing unit connected to the window, but clearly, space is at a premium in this house. It’s the best that he can afford at the moment, and we have to say, it’s not too bad … but in a couple of years, it won’t be viable as Pierre gets older.
Paul gets the place ready
The fridge turns out to be full of mold and disgusting, so he gets it ready.
Karine arrives
She knows that Paul is trying his best, even though Paul’s best is not … super impressive.
Karine just wants a roof over her head, basically
After some of the nightmare places that they saw the week before, her expectations are sufficiently lowered. (Wait … is Paul a secret genius?)
Karine approves!
“It’s good,” she declares, having seen that this place has basic appliances and a bathroom. She would like furniture. Also curtains and blinds on the windows. All in good time, we hope.
It’s a process
Karine acknowledges that Paul is trying to make her feel at home, and that this house is the first step of proving that he can provide for her and Pierra. Presumably, they might get better digs after Paul gets, you know, a job.
For now …
Karine declares that she is happy. This is a sweet moment for a couple who so often seems like they cannot stand each other.
Larissa!
Larissa Lima is now on the verge of being homeless, as her friend Carmen Nys is kicking her out for getting back with Eric Nichols.
She calls Eric …
Calling her “Little Kitten,” which is a hell of a nickname for a grown man but it’s kind of charming, Larissa tells him that she needs a place to stay. Eric will let her move in with him.
But …
Larissa is moving into a different room, not into Eric’s room. This will give them space in case their shared passions become too volatile, once again.
Larissa isn’t David’s only roommate
David makes his entrance on the show. David is a nerd, he jokingly asks Larissa to not “hit” him, but he’s pretty friendly.
A roommate isn’t so bad
“At least he doesn’t live with his mother,” Larissa expresses. Honestly, NOT having a roommate at Eric or Larissa’s age either means that you’re doing *very* well financially, you inherited something, or you’re living in a place more like Paul’s new home.
Larissa is DETERMINED to be friends with David
Larissa says that she’s actually a secret nerd, and hopes to bond with Eric over video games. We know that video games do not make for good reality TV, but we would love to see more of this side of her. TLC, I am begging you.
Larissa’s friend is not thrilled
Larissa is now regretting having badtalked Eric after their breakup(s), because none of her friends think that she should take him back.
Men don’t change
Notably, Larissa having spoken ill about Eric after their breakup is foreshadowing … we all knew that Eric had made poor choices after their September 2019 breakup, but … well, you’ll see.
Larissa makes a call
We hope, for so many reasons, that this moment was staged for the cameras, in part because Larissa goes through Eric’s phone and finds the number of Natalie, a woman to whom he spoke in the past (in Colorado Springs).
She hung out with Eric shortly after his breakup
Larissa calls her and learns that Eric spoke poorly of her to strangers and also in front of his parents, which could really hurt their long-term prospects. This is why you don’t ever badmouth your ex to your parents unless they did a CRIME — if you get back, your parents are even less willing to forget it than your friends.
She heard that Larissa was “crazy”
Larissa has jokingly called herself that, but venting to a total stranger that your ex is “crazy” is rude. That said, many men describe their exes as “crazy.” As Donald Glover has noted in stand-up, women rarely say this about their ex-boyfriends, because if your ex-boyfriend is “crazy,” you probably don’t live to tell about it.
Larissa characterizes Eric
Likening him to an untrustworthy and dramatic woman, she notes that he was badmouthing her (just like she did, but she did it to her close friends).
It gets worse
Apparently, Eric spoke about Larissa’s oral skills, and even compared notes with Colt. Whether these comparisons were favorable or disfavorable is not the point. This was … garbage.
Larissa is shaken
She doesn’t believe that she can trust Eric, and she goes to confront him. Oh dear.