Ode To The Summer Intern 34638

In USA Today, Craig Wilson writes a hilarious, heartfelt piece about his undying hatred of interns. His reasons for disliking them include their overeager desire to impress, including showing up bright-eyed and bushy-tailed at 9:30am, something, writes Wilson, “no self-respecting journalist” would ever do.

Frankly, we think this is the best thing we’ve seen all week. And it’s with a great deal of restraint that we refrain ourselves from simply copying/pasting the rant in its entirety, and merely providing you with a gripping sample paragraph:

Last year I was invited to a meet-the-summer-interns lunch. We went around the table introducing ourselves, giving our history at the paper. When it was my turn, I mentioned that they were all probably in second or third grade when I started at USA TODAY.

One of the interns immediately interrupted. She said she wasn’t born when I started at the newspaper, let alone in second grade. I wanted to lean across the conference table and smack her, but I once read in the employee handbook that we’re not allowed to do that, so I pulled myself together, gave her a faint smile and never spoke to her again. Seemed only fair.

Of course, the truth is, Wilson’s article only refers to a small overzealous sect of the overall unpaid intern population. Because, as many of you may recall, internships generally tend to involve a fair amount of showing up late, staring absently into space, and occasionally taking a break from obsessively checking your email/Facebook/MySpace accounts long enough to fetch everyone coffee.

Speaking of which, where in the hell is Intern Joseph with that iced mocha latté?