Jiblets 38456

• Beyonce’s skimpy bikini offends the tender sensibilities of conservative Sin City residents.

• Authorities say the massive oil spill was likely caused by human error. When asked for comment, an annoyed Poseidon tersely replied, “Apology not accepted.”

• Elisabeth Hasselbeck’s newborn baby officially has a name! Next step: Toilet training the kid and teaching him how to memorize political jargon and mindless Republican propaganda.

• Reese Witherspoon’s four year-old already has his very first job offer. See that, Ryan Philippe? This is what happens when your son grows up in a broken home.

• Sorry, Jennifer Aniston. Terrence Howard’s just not that into you.