Cable Quotables 36346

After hours of listening to the construction workers drill a giant hole outside our office for seemingly no reason whatsoever, we were starting to wish we’d remembered to bring the travel Advil we keep in our purse. And just when we thought all was lost, Intern Wendy gave us the perfect (temporary) distraction: an extra special Britney-centric installment of Friday’s Cable Quotables. Says Wendy, “Britney’s even being discussed on Dr. Phil today. I guess the only shows that aren’t covering it are Meet the Press and This Old House. And let’s not forget M*A*S*H.

• ???I have three kids! Of course I drink! I drink nonstop!??? Bernie Grimm, letting everyone know what he and Britney Spears have in common, On the Record, October 2

• ???I was surprised when the judge put the custody into the hands of Lindsay Lohan.??? Dennis Miller, recommending a more suitable guardian for Sean and Jayden Federline, The O???Reilly Factor, October 3

• ???Sooner or later, you???re going to have to pay a cover charge at the disco for ???em.??? Bill O???Reilly, revealing why Britney Spears doesn???t want custody of her kids as much as she thinks she does, The O???Reilly Factor, October 3

• ???Custody of Britney Spears??? children apparently awarded to a pirate.??? Keith Olbermann, apparently “mistaking” Kevin Federline for someone aboard a sinking ship, Countdown, October 3

• ???Well, with reliable sources like OK!, how can it not be???? Joel McHale, defending the celebrity weeklies’ credibility, Countdown, October 3