Some gift bags are so stuffed with insignificant promotional items, they’re barely worth being deposited into that wicker basket you keep by the door that you hope guests will pilfer while exiting your apartment. (”$1000 off your next Marquis Jet flight” certificates? We’re talking to you.) Other gift bags are filled with merchandise that comes with a “Re-gift me!” sign practically stamped on it. (That’s a good thing.)
The gift bag from Out magazine’s Out 100 party on Friday night was a smattering of both. By “smattering,” of course, we mean “a 50-pound doozy that nearly tore its canvas bag.” We didn’t mind the full-size bottle of Calvin Klein Man cologne or the packaged briefs, but anal cream and a bottle of KY in the same bag? Taboo. And the thumb-size Zirh shaving cream and pinky fingernail-size lip balm are certainly staples for your travel tote, but what are we gonna do with the Pepsi Mardi Gras beads?
Combine them with the anal cream, perhaps.
We get a lot of mail. Mostly, it’s of the electronic form. But from those marketing agents and publicists who found out our snail mail address, we get packages, too. They’re almost always of the promotional form, trying to generate interest in a new TV show, movie, book, or rehab center. Herewith, we document their efforts.
Received: One small box with “Overture Films” as the return address. Inside, a clear plastic box, sealed with a “M” sticker, was filled with shredded dollar bills. (One editor got upset, thinking they were real shredded dollars. We offered to let him tape them together. He just might.) The monetary confetti surrounded one Masterlock with two keys attached with a little note: “Will they get away with it?” it read on one side; “01-18-08″ it read on the other.
To Promote: Some quick Googling revealed Katie Holmes’ new movie Mad Money premieres on Jan. 18, 2008. It’s about three women working for the Federal Reserve who plan to steal cash. It is not about Jim Cramer.
Score (0-10): 6. They scored for keeping it small and simple. But the suspense – what could they be drumming up buzz for?! – only lasted two-Mississippi’s. The score would have been a 5, but we added a point for sending a functional item: We lost our gym lock last week and were about to buy a new one. Thanks, Mrs. Tom Cruise!