In a closed hearing on Monday, Los Angeles judge Scott M. Gordon set a lengthy list of rules that parents Britney Spears and Kevin Federline must follow in order to retain custody of their sons, Sean Preston, 2, and Jayden James, 1.
Below is a list of the court’s shared requirements (as summarized by Us Weekly) as well as our own unique brand of empathetic commentary.
Rule #1: “Neither Brit nor K-fed can take Sean and Jayden out of state without the written consent of the other.”
Translation: “Next time you’re going on a four-day Vegas bender, leave the kiddies at home.”
Rule #2: “The exes cannot make derogatory statements about each other.”
Translation: “Kevin Federline is no longer allowed to refer to Brit or the kids as ‘Daddy’s paycheck.’”
Rule #3: “Both parents must complete the “Parenting Without Conflict” program.”
Translation: “Britney and Kevin must stay out of rehab and strip clubs long enough to learn the basic tenets of nanny-hiring.”
Rule #4: “Each party is restrained from using corporal punishment with the children or allowing anyone else to.”
Translation: “In order to discipline their children, Britney and Kevin must now resort to unabashed bribery.”
Rule #5: “They are required to engage in joint co-parenting counseling.”
Translation: “A licensed medical professional will be called upon to write Brit a prescription for ‘a shitload of meds.’”
Rule #6: “Neither party may consume alcohol or non-prescription controlled substances 12 hours prior to taking custody of the children.”
Translation: “No more staying out with the kids until ‘last call.’”
Rule #7: “They must ensure that any prospective childcare professionals hold valid Red Cross infant CPR training.”
Translation: “No more sleeping with the manny.”
In addition, Brit will be required to attend individual counseling at least once a week, meet with a parenting coach at least twice a week (for a minimum of 8 hours per week) and undergo semiweekly controlled substance and alcohol testing.
Translation: “Britney is screwed.”
[Image provided by PrettyontheOutside]
No. 1
orpone says:
Once the court determined that Spears is using alcohol and other drugs on a continuous basis he should have removed the children from her custody for a period of at least 6 months. He should have required her to immediately enter residential treatment during that same period and be evaluated for custody upon successful completion of the program with periodic reviews thereafter for at least one year.
Leaving the children with her at this time, given his statement that she is, in essence, addicted was totally irresponsible.
Posted: Sep 19, 2007 at 12:22 pm
No. 2
hms says:
I’m surprised that the court did not pull those kids out of the house too and put those kids into a foster situation, possibly with her parents, if the court deemed them fit. Both she and the ex-husband have shown lapses of sense with alcohol, drugs and irresponsible behavior.
Posted: Sep 19, 2007 at 12:47 pm
No. 3
commeca says:
Oh, yeah, right. Turn the kids over the to trailer trash stage-parents who thought it was perfectly fine to rear a child with no education, no social skills, and no sense of responsibility as long as she’s willing to be milked as their “singin’, dancin’ li’l cash cow.” Great idea.
In that event the kids’ only hope of survival would be that they inherited their daddy’s “talent” genes.
Posted: Sep 19, 2007 at 4:40 pm