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Despite their sixteen year age difference and the fact that they haven’t had any sort of contact in several years, Samantha Markle has made a career out of bashing her internationally beloved half-sister, Meghan Markle.

Shortly after Meghan began dating Prince Harry, Samantha made a name for herself as one of the world’s thirstiest professional haters.

In the years since Meghan entered the global spotlight, Samantha has been given a platform to trash everything from the Sussexes’ Christmas card to their decision to step down as senior members of the royal family.

The Hollywood Gossip

Earlier this year, Samantha released a memoir about her life with Meghan.

Of course, there are guards at Kensington Palace who have had more conversations with Meghan than Sam has, so it should come as no surprise that she was forced to self-publish her book, otherwise, it never would have seen the light of day.

Sam claimed that her book wouldn’t be a tabloid-style hit piece about Meghan, but of course, that’s exactly what it is.

The Hollywood Gossip

Obviously, no one should buy this book, as doing so would put money in the pocket of the wickedest half-sister that ever stalked the countryside.

And no one should read it, as doing so might cause you to contract whatever brain parasite has transformed Samantha into such a hateful bigot.

Fortunately, the folks over at In Touch have provided some excerpts so that you can marvel at Sam’s insanity without endorsing it:

The Hollywood Gossip

On Meghan’s Relationship With Her Father, Thomas Markle:

"I don’t recall ever hearing Dad say ‘no’ to Meg, about anything.

“I couldn’t believe that she was so demanding of our father. He was paying for Meg to get a great education, and instead of showing gratitude, she was being belittling and controlling,”

“To insult him … was horrific. Dad had no idea that the whole thing was a snapshot of the future.”

Meghan Markle and Prince Harry Under an Umbrella

On Meghan’s Alleged Exploitation of Her Father:

“Dad paid for Meg to have an apartment, and her independence, until she went off to college. Picking out a college for her to go to was really exciting for Dad. They decided on Northwestern University, because it had such a great theatre program, and it was $250,000 per year, excluding housing costs, which he also paid.

"Dad and Meg took the trip to Illinois to Northwestern University to find Meg an apartment there, which he paid for, and to familiarize her with [the] campus.”

The Hollywood Gossip

On Meghan’s Relationship With Harry:

“I could hear the reluctance in his (Thomas’) voice, and then he said contently, ‘Well I got a call from Meg. She’s dating a Prince,’ he said.

“My dad replied, ‘Well he’s British. It’s Prince Harry.’ I said, ‘Dad, what exactly did she say?’ He took a deep breath and said, ‘Not a whole lot, she just said, Daddy, I met a prince.’”

 “What astounded me about that was that she didn’t say ‘I met an amazing man.’ She said ‘I met a Prince. It seemed that the title was the most important thing to her … My dad said, ‘Just avoid the media, and someone will be calling us to brief us on how to deal with it.’”

The Hollywood Gossip

On the End of Samantha and Meghan’s Relationship:

“The last time I had spoken with my sister was when I called her at her apartment in Canada, in December 2015 almost 2016.

“It seemed as though she was excited to hear from me. It was seldom that I could actually reach her because of our completely different schedules, and she was traveling as an ambassador for Suits.

"I was really worried about our father because he could sometimes become reclusive and depending on his schedule.”

So even though Sam hasn’t spoken to Meghan since 2015 (a full three years before Meg married Harry), she still wants to be traken seriously as the authority on all things Meg.

Thankfully, no one is buying into her act.

Unfortunately, it’s the only thing Sam has going for her, so she certainly won’t be giving it up anytime soon.