In case you've spent the past week on Mars, living in a cave with really crappy wi-fi, allow us to bring you up to speed on recent events on this planet:
Prince Harry married Meghan Markle at Windsor Castle, and ... well, that's just about it for good news, so why don't we just leave it there?
Yes, the royal wedding had something for everyone, including a few unexpected surprises.
(The sight of a bunch of stuffy Brits attempting to pretend they weren't freaked out by the fiery sermonizing of Michael Curry was worth waking up for on its own.)
Of course, the one person you don't want to surprise on the day of a wedding is the bride.
So hopefully everyone agreed to wait until the honeymoon to break it to Meghan that Harry rang up his most recent ex, Chelsy Davy, just a few days before the wedding.
Yes, not only did Harry give Chelsy a call, the conversation got so emotional that she ended up in tears, wondering aloud if she should attend the ceremony at all.
“It was their final call, a parting call in which they both acknowledged Harry was moving on," a source close to the situation tells Elle.
"Chelsy was quite emotional about it all."
"She was in tears and almost didn’t go to the wedding. In the end, she went and promised Harry she wouldn’t try and gatecrash the party.”
Yes, it seems Chelsy was invited to the ceremony, but not the "more intimate" reception that followed.
And she probably made the right call by not busting through the door and giving a sloppy-ass toast.
As insulting as it is to be invited to the ceremony but not the reception ("Oh, so I have to bring a gift, but I can't take advantage of the open bar? Neat!"), crashing a party thrown by the royal family is probably not a good idea.
People have been beheaded for less.
And how did Meghan feel about all this?
She's pretty much the first royal in history that could accurately be described as "chill," so she was probably relatively cool about the whole thing.
Still, her position must have been a little uncomfortable, as it's not like Chelsy was just some fling from Harry's past.
Harry and Chelsy broke up in 2011 after seven years of on and off dating, but they attempted to rekindle their romance in 2015 - just a few months before Harry met Meghan.
Apparently, it was Chelsy who broke it off (!!!) after deciding she wasn't cut out for such a public life.
It seems she missed quite a party, as the royal reception included dance competitions and beer pong.
Unfortunately, it was the last fun Meghan will ever be permitted to enjoy.
You dodged a bullet, Chelsy.