Stormy Daniels: I Have Trump DNA on a Dress, Monica Lewinsky Style!!

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There are a couple of pieces of big news regarding Stormy Daniels, the porn star who allegedly had an affair with Donald Trump in 2006.

For one thing, Stormy's management has announced that Trump's lawyer has now broken the NDA, freeing Stormy to tell all without fear of repercussion.

Stormy Daniels, Superbowl 2018

For another, Stormy apparently has a gold dress from that affair. A dress that may contain evidence. Monica Lewinsky-style.

Remember how Monica Lewinsky's life was ruined forever?

Stormy Daniels is experiencing a renaissance. She's everywhere. She's celebrated.

Why? Perhaps because, in the era of Trump, things that were once career-ending scandals now barely make headlines because the world has gone mad and every day is an absolute nightmare.

Or because, even if the Stormy scandal can't actually dethrone Trump, the majority of Americans delight in seeing him embarrassed.

Stormy Daniels and Donald Trump

Either way, Stormy Daniels has been enjoying unprecedented popularity in the media. Even though she is apparently forbidden from discussing or even confirming the alleged affair with Donald Trump, the world has read parts of her story.

Apparently, Stormy Daniels -- whose real name is Stephanie Clifford -- was paid $130,000 to sign an NDA about Trump, just months before that fateful, terrible 2016 election.

But years earlier, an unpublished story included Stormy's details of "generic" sex with Donald Trump.

Not something that anyone ever wanted to imagine or endure, but though no one on Earth is surprised to hear of Donald Trump cheating on his wife shortly after their marriage and the birth of his young son, it's another thing to hear confirmation.

Emails exchanged between Stormy and some political advisers (she dabbled in politics back in 2009) contained some ... interesting details.

Stormy Daniels, AVN Awards 2018

One, Trump allegedly had her spank him with a Forbes magazine that had his own face.

Two, Donald Trump reportedly had her watch hours of Shark Week with him during the course of their affair. But he's apparently terrified of sharks.

But all of that was unconfirmed. When Stormy Daniels gets interviewed, she's very entertaining but everyone knows that she can't talk about things.

Now, however, she might be able to finally tell her story.

See, attorney Michael Cohen is the one who paid the alleged hush money to Stormy.

Stormy Daniels Pic

Recently, he announced -- in what some believe was an outrageously miscalculated attempt to protect Trump -- that he paid Stormy the money himself for his own reasons and that he was never compensated for it by Trump or anyone else.

As in, maybe he just woke up one day and decided to pay Stormy Daniels $130,000?

Stormy's management has now informed Trump's team that they believe that Cohen's statement has broken the NDA, which means that Stormy may now be free to tell all.

How much credibility people give her may be, in part, contingent upon the DNA results on an old, gold dress of hers.

So, once upon a time, Monica Lewinsky kept a blue dress that, even with 1990s technology, showed signs of Bill Clinton's semen.

Stormy Daniels Selfie

The Blast reports that Stormy Daniels' gold dress may contain Trump's DNA.

While we don't envy the forensic technicians who be testing the garment for the orange man's residue, she reportedly plans to have it tested in order to prove that, yes, she really did have an affair with him 12 years ago.

Now, Stormy Daniels is a conservative (yes, there are conservative porn stars) and absolutely no one considers having banged Donald Trump to be grounds for bragging rights.

Why does she want to prove it? Well, interviews and publicity and the money that comes with it.

She's a businesswoman, folks.

No one knows how long the Trump administration is going to last. But for now, it's Stormy's time to shine.

And why shouldn't she?

After what she allegedly put up with back in 2006, doesn't she deserve a little compensation?

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