If you're like us, you're old, and uncool, and you get your news from a tattered parchment delivered to your door by a young lad in a jaunty cap whom you reward with a single shilling and some wise words about prudent spending each fortnight.
Because of our woeful lack of hipness, we only recently became familiar with Cardi B, the rapper whose debut single "Bodak Yellow" just dethroned Taylor Swift's "Look What You Made Me Do" as the number one song in the country.
Cardi is an artist on the rise, and she's been praised by some of the biggest names in hip-hop.
Of course, in 2017, you haven't really made it as a rapper until you've feuded with Azealia Banks.
Banks has beefed with Nicki Minaj, Jay Z, Eminem, Iggy Azalea, that Soundcloud rapper who's always posting links to his new sh-t along with a bunch of fire emojis on your Facebook page ...
Basically, if you've ever rhymed two words, Banks doesn't like you, and she wants the world to know.
Predictably, Azealia has now set her sights on Cardi B, going off on the Bronx native in a since-deleted Twitter rant in which she attributed Cardi's success to music industry racism.
“Black industry men are too hype for this Latina girl I’ve never seen them jump like this for remy [Ma] or nicki,” Banks wrote.
“Charlemagne [Tha God] and black men in hip-hop should have gotten me, remy AND nicki a number one before they gave cardi or iggy [Azalea] one.”
This is Azealia Banks we're talking about, so it only got worse from there.
Cardi is of Trinidadian and Dominican descent, and for reasons that remain unclear, Banks feels she should have tailored her public image accordingly:
"She's only black when black want to include themselves in a success story," Azealia wrote.
"I thought she was gonna be a Latina hottie and not a poor mans Nicki Minaj," she added. "It went the other way and now I'm over it."
On Instagram, Banks was even more savage, calling Cardi “a f-ck toy” who is “super inarticulate,” and accusing her “suck[ing] d-ck for raps.”
Fortunately, Cardi knew just how to respond:
That's a clip of Banks singing along to "Bodak Yellow" in the club.
Cardi posted the image to Instagram with a caption reading:
“One of the reasons Bodak Yellow went #1! Cuz even the HATERS love it!”
Banks has yet to respond to that burn, but something tells us her response will be nuclear.
The weird thing is, before Cardi became only the second solo rapper to ever reach the top of the Billboard Hot 100, Banks had nothing but praise for the 24-year-old:
"I always thought she was funny, and when she started rapping, I was like… what is she doing? Then I heard 'Foreva' and I was like, Okay, this is really f-cking good, she’s not playing," Banks told XXL.
"Then I heard a couple other songs and I was like, Oh shit, Cardi’s not playing! And now I’m a fan of Cardi B’s music and her personality."
So what happened?
It couldn't be that Azealia's bitter about Cardi's success because shot her own career in the foot years ago, could it?