If you watch Teen Mom online, you know that over the years, Amber Portwood may have struggled harder than any the other girls in the franchise, which is really saying something.
Earlier today, Cosmo published a new interview with Amber that may be her most candid to date.
The troubled 26-year-old spoke to the mag about everything from her engagement to Matt Baier to her feelings toward her troubled co-stars.
Unlike so many fans of Teen Mom and Teen Mom 2, Amber doesn’t hate Farrah Abraham or Jenelle Evans, though she concedes that Baier probably to bang them both.
Her thoughts about her co-stars are certainly interesting, but the most compelling part of the interview may be the portion in which Amber looks inward and describes her own battles with depression and other mental health issues.
"I’m actually diagnosed," Amber replied when asked about her recent revelation that she suffers from borderline personality disorder.
"The borderline personality is a new diagnosis that I obviously don’t want to believe, but my therapist believes it. It’s hard. I was diagnosed with bipolar a long time ago. It’s really hard."
She went on to link her condition with her past addictions and violent behavior:
"I think people don’t quite understand what it’s like to be bipolar and then have something like borderline personality on top of it, plus you have anxiety disorder.
"I’ve just been screwed up since the beginning, which is a big reason why I used to self-medicate as well. I’m glad I have professional help now."
Amber adds that she initially struggled to keep her diagnoses a secret so as not to be judged by fans:
"People don’t know about that because I tried to keep it secret. I was kind of embarrassed by it," Amber says.
"Now I’m older and stronger, and I understand that a lot of people deal with these things and that I should be open about it. That’s what I’m trying to do.
"I’m still afraid to talk about it because I really don’t want to be judged as some person who can’t control herself."
Amber’s most compelling answer may have been her response to a question about what she would be doing with her life if she hadn’t become a reality television star.
"Hell, I don’t know. I wouldn’t be on TV," Portwood tells Cosmo.
"I wouldn’t be in New York right now, that’s for sure. I think my life would be going OK, and I also don’t think that I would’ve been so heavy into drugs, but I think I would have been an addict probably."
Yes, Amber doesn’t blame her addictions entirely on fame, but she does seem to believe her problems wouldn’t have been so severe if Teen Mom hadn’t come into her life.
However, she adds that the show also helped with recovery, as she was forced to relive her most embarrassing moments:
"But I feel like Teen Mom also helped me get sober as well because I saw everything that I was doing on TV," she says.
"That completely shocked me, and I felt so horrible about it. I was disgusted with myself so it kind of helped me, yeah. It helped me want to get my head out of my ass, honestly."
These days it seems just about everyone involved with the franchise is talking about quitting Teen Mom.
Amber, it seems, is still grateful for the way the show transformed her life.