Sean Johnson, a 19-year-old Brooksville, Florida resident, is accused of violating a defenseless creature sexually in one of the aisles of his local Walmart.
That creature is the small stuffed horse pictured below, with Johnson.
After stalking and identifying his would-be victim, Johnson pulled out his (if you know what we mean) and put it against the poor stuffed animal's chest.
He believes in foreplay, apparently. But soon things got freak nasty.
Johnson road that horse feverishly to completion, and having finalized his deposit, wrapped the animal inside a comforter he took from a nearby aisle.
Walmart's surveillance video system caught all of this. Per local police:
"Cameras captured Johnson putting the toy covered in ejaculate back on the store shelf next to other items. Those items were contaminated and deemed unsellable."
That's just a waste of a good stuffed toy and blanket right there.
An employee saw the whole thing go down was the first to blow the whistle, alerted police who subdued Sean across the street from the mega-retailer.
He was charged with indecent exposure and criminal mischief.
Johnson is being held on a $1,500 bond at the Hernando County Jail for the lewd act, which he reportedly admitted to and committed around 3 p.m. Tuesday.
So many good times in the Sunshine State.