Fifty Shades of Grey Wine: Released (Handcuffs Not Included)!

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Fifty Shades of Grey wine. It's actually a thing. E.L. James, author of the popular novels, has introduced it, starting with two "personally blended" bottles.

Just as Christian and Anastasia blend their bodies into one. Or something.

The Fifty Shades of Grey wine varietals, titled Red Satin and White Silk, do not come with handcuffs, but may make you more likely to end up in them.

We mean sexually, not in a DUI arrest sense. But don't drink and drive kids.

So what do they actually taste like? We'll try to refrain from obvious jokes and sexual innuendo for just a moment and work from the official release:

The red is described as a blend of “Petite Sirah and Syrah with flavors of black cherry, cocoa powder, creamy caramel and vanilla, leather and clove spice."

The white features “floral aromatics of lychee and honey, tempered by flavors of crisp grapefruit, mineral and lush pear with a faint hint of butterscotch.”

Fifty Shades of Grey Wine

E.L. said in a statement that “Wine plays an important role in Fifty Shades of Grey, adding to the sensuality that pervades a number of scenes.”

Translation: It tastes good. It gets you drunk. Christian and Ana bone like it's their jobs.

There are at least 17 times in which wine is consumed in the book, including one memorable scene in which Ana is given it via Christian’s mouth.

No word on whether you can expect Dakota Johnson and Charlie Hunnam to reenact that in the still sort of hotly anticipated Fifty Shades of Grey movie.

The wine goes on sale September 30.

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