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It seems like only yesterday we fell in love with a serial killer named Dexter Morgan and now we’ve watched those sensuous opening credits roll for a final time.

Ahhh. Dexter Morgan. The smirk. The pink shirts. The biceps. What a SKILF. 

I mean. Wait. What was I doing again? Oh, right. The Dexter finale. We’re recapping it here, but be sure to head over to TV Fanatic for the full Dexter series finale review.

  • He Said, She Said: On the ride to the hospital, Deb tells Quinn she’s done some pretty bad things. He says that by being a cop, she gets to do good things to make up for whatever it is she did. She says she needs to save a busload of nuns. He thinks back to his schoolboy days and says “don’t save ’em.”
  • Terminal: When Hannah gets stranded in the bathroom at the airport, Dexter plants a suspicious bag and blames it on Elway. Elway gets taken for questioning and Hannah can escape the loo, but Dexter’s plan grounds their flight.
  • Big Brother: Dexter gets the call that Deb is in the hospital after being shot by Saxon. Once she’s out of surgery, she tells him to go to Argentina to be with Hannah and Harrison. He follows her F-bomb laden orders. Sort of. He sends Harrison off with Hannah and plans to meet up with them. He also gives Hannah a bag of “essentials.” Then he goes off in search of Saxon.
  • Terminator: Saxon, like a terminator, walks around Miami with a bullet wound. In the middle of hurricane prep. And no one seems to notice that he’s bleeding all over everything. He gets a veterinarian to stitch him up then, in what might be the grossest thing on the show ever, cuts out the vet’s tongue so he can sneak into the hospital to finish what he started with Deb. But Miami Metro busts him. Surprise, motherf***er!
  • Bad News Bears: Dexter and Quinn learn that Debra isn’t so okay after all. She’s in a vegetative state. Quinn believes in miracles. Dexter does not.
  • A Little Jab’ll Do Ya: Dexter dons his Miami Metro badge and gets access to Saxon’s holding cell. He lays out the tools in his test kit and eventually kills Saxon with a ballpoint pen to the jugular. And people think penmanship is dead! Psha!
  • Another Little Jab’ll Do Ya: Elway catches up to Hannah and Harrison on a bus headed toward Daytona. Hannah uses one of Dexter’s super special horse tranquilizers to knock Elway out so that she and Harrison can escape.
  • The Perfect Storm: Dexter goes to the hospital and, in the chaos from the hurricane, turns off Debra’s life support. He tells Harrison he loves him just before he dumps Deb’s body in the ocean like the Bay Harbor Butcher he is. Then he drives the Slice of Life directly into the hurricane.
  • Don’t Cry For Me, Argentina: Hannah reads the news of Dexter’s “death” on her iPad while sipping an espresso in a cafe with Harrison. She sheds a single tear before taking Harrison out for ice cream.
  • Just Jack: While those he loved (loves?) go on living without him, Dexter lives a solitary life as a lumberjack. At least we know he’ll still have his biceps, right?

What grade would you give the series finale of Dexter?