Last night’s season finale of The Hills was about what you’d expect – equally parts funny, awkward, strange and annoying, partially staged and, well, totally awesome.
Our recap will consist of awarding and deducting points as we see fit. Season Four ended with Speidi possibly making its wedding legal, Heidi Montag possibly making up with Lauren Conrad, and Justin-Bobby definitely being the biggest loser on Earth.
On to the rankings! Chime in with your own!
Lo calls everybody “sweetie.” Reminds us of our mom. Minus 4.
For all of her supposed animosity toward Heidi, Lauren Conrad seemed pretty genuine during their reconciliation. Plus 13, because as catty as girls can be, this showed us what we’ve always believed – that LC is a “sweetie” at heart.
During her emotional heart-to-heart with Lauren, Heidi pronounces irreparable “ir-re-PAIR-able.” She is the anti-THEE-sis of smart. Minus 2.
Plus 17 for Brent Bolthouse’s non-reactions to Heidi’s story about marrying in Mexico – like, the “craziest thing she’s EVER done!” In all 22 years on this planet, really? Staging your fake wedding after getting hammered? Moron. Minus 9.
Man, Darlene hates Spencer Pratt. We all do, of course, but she really does not like the man. And as convoluted and fake as the show is at times, you can tell just how fearful she is that her daughter will marry this jackass. Plus 11.
Good grief, is Justin-Bobby wearing effing overalls? Minus 3.
Justin offers his brunette babe some ring, but it has no definition. Shrewd maneuver by J-Bobby. This appears to say so much, yet means jack. Plus 6.
But Minus 3 because Audrina continues to date a guy who does not shower.
This has to be explained: After dodging questions about their sham wedding all week, Spencer brought Heidi to a courthouse to make it official, then abruptly changed his mind. She had already said “I do,” but when it was Pratt’s turn he hesitated. The reason? A sudden epiphany, the need to create a fantasy ceremony for Heidi that would include patching things up with her family, who were disappointed to have been shut out of the couple’s union. So basically, this entire thing – the trip to the courthouse (after hours), the MTV promo of only Heidi’s vows, their interviews on the subject, the episode’s frickin’ title – was a setup. Worst. Wedding. Ever. Minus 30.
Much as we are going to miss Whitney Port on The Hills, giving her The City was a good move by MTV. She never meshed with The Hills crowd, preferring to live her own life, and The Hills has evolved into a couple of separate shows as it is. So Plus 25 for The City debuting next week – and The Hills returning for Season Five!
TOTAL: +4. A huge deduction for the wedding nonsense, but a great episode – and season – overall! Leave a comment with your scores!