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As you pity Vanessa Hudgens for dating a cutie such as Zac Efron, a certain American Idol judge would also like your sympathy.

Paula Abdul is going public with the incredible strength it’s taken her to become a multi-millionaire on the world’s most famous reality show.

“I have a strength I didn’t know I had. It’s a live program, and a naughty British man is constantly making people think there’s something weird in my Coca-Cola cup,” Abdul told Ladies’ Home Journal in a recent interview. “But I’m proud of myself. I always figure out a way to swim.”

Don’t worry, folks: the fame and money Paula Abdul has received as a result of American Idol are helping her cope with life. 

As for her personal life, Abdul described the relationship with new boyfriend, restaurateur J.T. Torregiani, as “a good thing.”

“I’ve experienced real loneliness, so I love knowing there’s someone I can share the good and the not-so-good with,” she said. “And I want kids! If it doesn’t happen naturally, I can always adopt.”

A slew of unborn babies just shuddered in their uteruses.