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Heidi Fleiss has a lot of catching up to do.

The former Hollywood madam is scarcely the most famous woman in the area with that first name now, as Heidi Montag has seemingly come from nowhere to garner all the celebrity gossip attention.

But Fleiss cannot be held down… unless you pay enough money. The woman who knows more sex secrets than Jenna Jameson is back, running a business she knows something about: getting a load done.

TMZ reports that she opened her “Dirty Laundry” laundromat this past weekend in Nevada, just about one hour away from Las Vegas.

“The demographics of the community fit the statistics of a successful Laundromat. So why not try something I’ve never done before?” Fleiss said.

And she’s right. Especially when, sexually, Heidi has done it ALL before. Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo have a long way to go until they reach Fleiss’ status of sexual conquests.

But don’t worry, folks, Heidi will soon be returning to the business she knows best, with plans to open a legal brothel within the next two months. But the customers will be ladies. Celebrity news reports have Lindsay Lohan as the first to sign up.

“I have had maybe over 300 women ready to buy memberships and plenty of men have applied … and let me tell you ladies out there, they won’t let you down!” But the madam cautions, “Without Viagra we couldn’t do it!”

Well, okay then.

Finally, Heiss concludes that this venture is “uncharted waters for me because I’m used to the other way around.” Funny. That’s the same thing Kim Kardashian said when Ray J wanted her to face front during sex one time.