The Real Housewives of Miami Recap: Crossing the Cuban Mafia

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The Real Housewives of Miami are "A Cause for Concern" as the sequined Cuban mafia snubs a children's charity. We run down the bitching and bullying in THG's +/- review.

A Girl's Best Friend

It's the war of the divas in Miami as Lea Black prepares for her annual charity gala. Too bad the Cuban mafia has it out for her.

Marysol, Ana, Lauren and Adriana all decide to ditch the event to watch gay polo. Minus 18.

What are the odds they at least sent a check to support the charity? Probably not very good.

Lea's counting on Alexia and Herman coming to the event. They said they would. As Lea says, she loves Herman. He "always has a drink too many and spends a dollar too much."

Plus 25. That's a fundraisers dream guest.

But the anti-Lea contingent have different plans for Alexia. They take her to gay polo. Adriana coos, "Polo is already fabulous and when you put gays in it, it's ten times as fabulous."

I'm not really a polo fan so I'll have to take her word on that.

The ladies are actually judging the different booths and I'm still unsure what the point of it all is. One of them even has a cheetah. Well, Adriana keeps calling it a leopard and either no one knows enough or cares enough to correct her.

More importantly, why is there a poor cheetah in a small cage at gay polo? Minus 40.

And when they started complaining about the mud, did anyone else hope they'd get their ridiculously high heels caught in it?

Back in town, Lea's trying on her borrowed jewelry. $4 million in diamonds. How about they donate that to charity and we could all go home?

Everyone starts to arrive. Actors, singers, Dennis Rodman. Both the fashion elite and the fashionably challenged hit the red carpet.  And Lea's left waiting for Alexia the Cuban Barbie doll. Minus 13. Is that moniker an insult or a compliment?

Lisa and Lenny show up, albeit a little late. Lenny made up for it by buying his wife an expensive diamond necklace.

He says he bought it to cheer her up after their fertility troubles. That's kind of sweet. Plus 15.

But I still want to shake Lisa. Scratch that. The girl's so darn skinny I'd probably break her. I know she'd rather carry her own child but she should consider herself lucky to be able to afford a surrogate. Most people don't have that option.

Joanna Krupa and Romain grace the red carpet looking absolutely stunning.

Back on their cheesy party bus, Adriana's bad mouthing Romain. She's trying to make it sound like the confrontation at Alexia's party was all his fault and he intimidated her. Minus 20. The truth was she looked like a little yappy Chihuahua that wouldn't get out of his face.

When Alexia tries to make a break for the gala, the Cuban mafia gets in her face.

Someone should remind Alexia that she's a grownup who can choose her own friends. Minus 28. It's time to grow a set and remind these girls your not in high school.  

But the botoxed bullies continue their tirade and Alexia ends up backing down.

Cough, cough. She calls Lea and leaves a message. She's much too sick to attend the gala, as she promised she would.

Minus 50. Someone should ask Alexia what kind of friends the Cuban contingent really are if they threaten to ditch her just because they disagree.  Or perhaps that's just how the games are played in Miami.

EPISODE TOTAL: -129! SEASON TOTAL: -380!

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I run with the Black Mafia, and I spend too many dollars on diamonds; in Miami. The real fashionable elite high heeled Lesbian bitches want expensive diamond necklaces too.

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I am not quite sure why everyone is taking Adriana's side. Personally I have always thought she was a liar when it came to Fredrick and her relationship to him. It added to the drama of the show for her part.

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U LIKE NEVER SEE THE "REAL" HOUSEWIVES DOIN' ANY REAL HOUSEWORK !!!!! THEY'RE SORT LIKE REAL "LAZY" HOUSEWIVES !!!! DUHHH THEIR HOUSES SHOULD DIVORCE THEM FOR ABANADONMENT !!!! AND NON-CONSORTIUM !!!!

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Adrianna is such a bad liar.her story changes every time she re-tells it. At one point she says that Frederick got the licence alone.... which isn't possible. they both have to sign it in front of a notary. it is made completely clear at that point that you are then legally married. she is just a grifter...like Leah said.

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