While the world is still reeling from Miley Cyrus Twerking at the VMAs, the dramatic conclusion to The Real Housewives of Orange County Season 8 will hopefully take our minds off Hannah Montana's Humpty Dancing.
Did anyone else ever imagine Miley Cyrus and the OC housewives being mentioned in the same sentence? Yeah, me neither.
Anyway. Let's get to it with THG's +/- recap!
Andy's first question for Heather is about her house and the offer they couldn't refuse. The model of their new house is built and they hope to break ground by December. Plus 8?
Next he brings up Heather's return to acting and Terry's many attempts at joking his way through the stress of flying solo. Heather defends their on-camera fighting as part of real life after being together for 16 years. Plus 15.
A viewer makes the comment that Heather should've just given Terry his onion rings because he gives her so much. Heather scores points with stay at home moms everywhere when she says she's actually providing him with a pretty fabulous life, too. Plus 25.
Alexis blames the editing of the past four years for the reason Jim has looked like such a gross douche. Not the fact that he might actually be a gross douche.
Tamra gets to show off her bling now that she's a married woman. And their sex life is just great. Plus 17.
Shamless plug for Tamra's O.C. wedding, coming in October.
Briana joins the ladies and Vicki says the greatest part of being a grandma is waking up the baby at 1:00 in the morning when she gets home from work. Never wake a sleeping baby, Vicki. Never ever. Minus 4.
Ryan is currently in Afghanistan and everyone is counting down the days until he returns. When he retires from the Marines, Vicki says he's going to sell insurance because he won't have anything else to do.
Then Vicki throws a blow at Lauri saying that she "earns her pay on her back" and "doesn't work." Ouch. Minus 2.
Briana wasn't happy with the way Ryan treated Lydia's mother but defended him because he was apparently taking Vicki's lead. She won't talk about her husband who is overseas, but she'll say she cleaned red wine and mud off the couch at the end of the night. Minus 6
Lydia calls her on that insinuation, rightfully so. Plus 8.
Now that Briana and Troy have moved out, Brooks still isn't coming over to Vicki's. They're together but not together.
Briana and Vicki say that the Brooks-can't-be-here story was misconstrued. He was never not allowed at the house. He just wasn't allowed at the house when Briana, Troy, or Ryan were there. And they lived there?
Briana says that Brooks Ayers has proven himself to be a man she cannot trust around her family and believes he's disrespected her and her mother.
Vicki admits that they see each other occasionally but that Brooks has been disrespectful to her but won't give specifics. Minus 14. The ladies give her grief for making excuses for him.
When Briana continues discussing Brooks and says that Brooks discussed the size of Little Brooks, Vicki gets up and walks away.
After a commercial break, Brooks joins the ladies. He tells Briana he's sorry and she asks for specifics. He goes back to 2007 and says he's sorry she saw an email between himself and Vicki while Vicki was still married to Donn.
Wait a minute. Vicki's still married to Donn.
Eh. Technicalities, right?
Briana has a bullet list of things she wants Brooks to apologize for, chief among them is a recording of him telling Ryan that Ryan should start hitting her to get her to fall in line. Minus Infinity.
He blames it on drunken ramblings and Briana brings up the fact that she was abused as a child while the rest of the ladies attempt to skewer Brooks. Except for Lydia who turns into a crying mess and has to excuse herself.
Brooks says the comment to start hitting Briana was taken out of context. Vicki says she's done with the show and Andy has to call her back to the couch. She insists that Brooks has never hit her and that's supposed to make everything better.
They start to roll the montage of Vicki's relationship dilemmas and Briana and Brooks are too busy going at one another for us to miss that entertainment. Minus 38.
Alexis says that Vicki needs to listen to the tape so she can hear it for herself. Heather asks if Vicki's reluctant to listen to the tape because then she'll have to make a choice. Vicki doesn't answer. Minus 12.
Tamra has lots of thoughts on Brooks and Vicki and Briana. She's threatened bodily harm to Brooks if he hurts Vicki. She feels like Vicki is making excuses for Brooks. This is Weak Vicki.
Heather says that maybe this is the time for Vicki to move on from Brooks because she might love him but he might not be the right one for her. Vicki starts to cry as Briana talks about how this is the only source of "ick" in her life.
Gretchen says she hates to see Vicki crying because she doesn't want Vicki not to be with the person that she loves. Awww, Gretch.
Tamra says that Briana has seen text messages from Brooks to Vicki calling Vicki fat and ugly and disgusting. Brooks and Vicki don't believe that those messages exist. Minus 8.
Briana tells Andy that all of this is coming from a place of loving her mother.
Brooks says he loves her enough to let her go and tells her she should listen to those who've known her longer.
Gretchen asks her if that's what she wants and Vicki compares Slade and Brooks and everyone starts to feel grossed out by that comparison. Vicki says the world hated Slade and Gretchen says "well, okay, not the whole world..."
Brooks says that the thing he has to do is exit Stage Right because of the turmoil his presence causes in Vicki's family and friendships. He leaves and Vicki breaks down sobbing.
Heather, Alexis, Tamra, and Lydia console her. Briana does not. Minus 40.
As the reunion comes to a close, Andy asks for their final thoughts.
Lydia says she feels like she's been punched in the head. Alexis feels bad for a lot of people. Heather had a difficult, yet fun and exciting year and calls that the balance of life.
Tamra had her best year yet. Gretchen was hurt by some of the friendships and says she'll always defend her own honor but she's happy to be engaged to Slade.
Vicki is emotionally drained but remains a hopeless romantic.
And that's a wrap! Bravo, Andy Cohen. Bravo.
EPISODE TOTAL: -51! SEASON TOTAL: -298!