The Real Housewives of New York City Recap: Following Pecking Orders

Jill Zarin is back and thank goodness. I have to admit, I actually missed her.

She says her time away gave her a chance to reevaluate her priorities and she plans to stay out of the gossip and the drama. Right. That lasts all of five minutes.

I almost can't blame Jill for that though. These ladies breathe drama and they can't open their mouths without gossiping. 

Ramona not joining the group for lunch makes her the instant topic of conversation. Kelly laments having to confront Ramona about her threatening text message.

The drunken text wasn't nice but I wouldn't call it threatening. As Sonja put it, "a threat is a horsehead in your bed."

But the group decides that Kelly needs some help and Sonja role-plays giving the funniest most spot on Ramona impression to date. How much time do these ladies spend together anyway?

Since Luann calls Ramona a "nasty little fighter" Kelly brings Sonja along for backup. 

Ramona quips that she's losing patience with Kelly because as we all know, Ramona is known for her patience.  But to my surprise she did give Kelly a real apology for the text and the two did dress for one another so I guess all is well.

Sonja summons Cindy to her home to teach her the ways of the pecking order among the housewives. Sonja says it's her "motherly instinct" kicking in. Wow. I'd hate to be her daughter. The tone of their visit is anything but motherly. It's more of a smackdown. 

"None of us wanted to go to Quogue" she tells Cindy. They only did it because of Ramona and then Cindy had the gall to disrespect Ramona by not having her Pinot. "Ramona Singer's a star." Oh Lord. 

Ramona and Cindy's talk goes no better but isn't quite as comical. Apparently Ramona doesn't leave her home if there isn't Pinot at her destination. I'm beginning to wonder if she is in need of a twelve step program. Not for alcohol, for rudeness and an over inflated ego.

Ramona obviously didn't think Cindy's party was good enough for her but then Luann looks down her nose at Ramona's soiree. "I didn't realize it was a Mary Kay party." Ramona's True Faith jewelry is most certainly not to the Countess' standards. Always great to see one pretentious snob take down another.

Did you catch Sonja's outfit for the ASPCA calendar? Was the teacher of social propriety going to perform at a bachelor party afterwards or does she have a side job as a pole dancer? Apparently the ASPCA's new calendar has more of an adults only theme this year.

Alex and Simon get their son a piano for his birthday. Of course the little tot takes lessons from a graduate of Julliard. I wouldn't expect anything less. As Alex gushes about what a magical moment this is, the kid alternates between looking bored and nervous about the strange man playing the instrument. 

The new piano is beautiful, expensive, and fits perfectly with the decor.  As the shiny black surface shows every finger print, Simon tells the boys not to touch it.  Hmm. Doesn't that kind of defeat the purpose.  Oh, nevermind. 

Finally we have the pow wow between Jill and Alex.  Maybe Jill did reassess things while she was in Australia because her apology to Alex was as honest and heartfelt as I've ever seen her. But it's only been one episode. I don't think I'll be putting any money on it lasting for two. These are the housewives we're talking about.