The Hills Recap: Poor Ryan Cabrera!

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Another week, another episode of The Hills that could have used a dose of Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, who have just vanished from it with no explanation.

Amusingly, Speidi's real life drama is chronicled on the MTV show's official blog, despite no sign of them on the show in weeks, or acknowledgment of this fact.

Whacking Balls

In any case, the show was more of the same that we've seen in recent weeks - Allie Lutz continues to vie for McKaela Line and battles it out with Team Kristin.

Seriously, this is what The Hills has become, and alas, what it will continue to be in all likelihood. Lauren Conrad and Speidi are not walking through that door!

Here's THG's plus-minus recap of last night's The Hills ...

Once again torn between Justin-Bobby and a superior guy, Audrina Patridge talks with Lo, who asks if she'd take J-B back if he changed. No answer. Minus 14.

Justin-Bobby gets thugged out at the club - and deep, man.

Kristin Cavallari tells Brody Jenner that she warned McKaela about Allie and alleged break-in we're supposed to care about. She's so catty, it's great. Plus 7.

Allie insists to McKaela that Kristin's stories about her are, like, so totally not true and drops the classic drunk girl line: "They don't even KNOW me!" Plus 5.

Everybody heads to Les Deux later - including Justin-Bobby and Ryan Cabrera, who have the most awkward introduction ever. Plus 9, because that was real!

Justin-Bobby tells Brody that Audrina "deserves the world" and doesn't need grief. Minus 12, because there's no way he didn't read that off MTV's cue cards.

Stephanie and Max are having a nice dinner when talk turns to her estranged relationship with Spencer Pratt and her DUI arrest. Double buzzkill! Minus 9.

When Audrina suggests that the "honeymoon" is over, Ryan says "If we caught each other at the wrong time, we need to figure it out. It's your life." Plus 5.

The cheese factor is amped up to 11 when, live in concert, he says he wants to sing a love song, which prompts Audrina to start crying. Words fail us. Wash.

Kristin Cavallari Lutz Allie have it.

Side note: You gotta love how Ryan, unlike the others who receive just a single name (e.g. Audrina, McKaela, Kristin), is always billed as Ryan Cabrera. Plus 3.

Stephanie says she isn't sure if she is ready to date at this stage, at least until she finds a guy who understands her life. Minus 8. Um, girl, get over yourself.

At the Young Hollywood Party, Audrina Patridge hints at a breakup with Ryan. Too bad, because he actually seems like a good dude, despite the hair. Minus 7.

In vintage Hills fashion, an argument soon erupts between Kristin and Allie before Brody breaks it up. Poor McKaela just looks lost, unsure what to do. Plus 8.

Kristin thanks Brody for having her back, which he says he always will ... unless he wants to nail some new girl. They walk off arm-in-arm, as usual. Minus 3.

Side note: We swore Kristin Cavallari was Heidi Montag for a sec with the makeup and teased hair - but a lack of HUGE fake breasts dashed our hopes. Plus 2.

TOTAL: -14. SEASON: -6.

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Kristin is just dumb. don't like her and never will. she is a back stabbing person. the man told you that all he wants from you is a person to hook up with when he isn't after some other girl. you need to get a life.Audrina just wants to be on tv thats all.

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Mckaela is just gorgeous

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Ryan Cabrerra looks like a lesbian!

Kristin Cavallari Biography

Kristin Cavallari... Nude Kristin Cavallari is a Laguna Beach alumna, controversy magnet, former girlfriend of Brody Jenner and Nick Zano, and celebrity gossip... More »
Born
Birthplace
Denver, Colorado
Full Name
Kristin Elizabeth Cavallari