It's all over, folks.
Due to poor magazine sales the pressure of the relationship, a leading supermarket tabloid has invented a new story that reports that Kristen Stewart has broken up with Robert Pattinson.
“Rob was talking marriage,” said OK! Weekly's imaginary anonymous source, adding Stewart was unhappy with how little she was seeing of her friends and family. “She told him they need to take a break.”
How sad. It was just two issues weeks ago that this same publication pretended to have interviewed a supposedly happy Robsten inside their home, citing the couple itself as claiming it was essentially "married" already.
What could have gone wrong in the last few days? It's hard for OK! to make up believable quotes from non-existent people to say. But there is good news:
The magazine is already working on a cover story about aliens taking over Kristen's body Rob winning his true love back. Phew!