Foreva Eva? 36536

At nearly 33 years old (or, as it’s pronounced in Hollywood, “middle aged”) actress Eva Longoria’s publicist has reportedly ordered her Jurassic client to adhere to a daily beauty and makeup regimen, and to “never, ever leave the house—not even to pick up a carton of milk from the local supermarket—without at least spending a minimum of 2-3 hours in the makeup chair.”

For more on “Celebrities, who—like regular people—look less attractive without makeup” and other groundbreaking developments be sure to check out Flip.com, the dimwitted brainchild of Conde Nast.