• If the mere image of Jimmy Buffett tripping on X and asking someone for a shoulder massage doesn’t make you cringe, it probably means you blocked out those memories of high school tailgate parties. [Page Six]
• Did Jennifer Lopez took her deviant-private jetting lessons from David Pecker per chance? [NYDN]
• It doesn???t seem like Cassidy will be writing any lyrics about rolling over his competition. Too soon? Too bad, it’s funny. [NME]
• So this is what Andre 3000 has been doing. You know, instead of making real music. [Pitchfork Media]
• Andre 3000 is on the fast track to singing acoustic versions of ???Hey Ya!??? at West Village bars. [Page Six]
• See, why doesn???t Jessica Simpson also have mental rests? We???re sure her mind gets so totally strained all the time. [NYDN]
• Foxy Brown and Lil??? Kim may hate each other, but they???ll probably be sisters in the slammer together sometime soon. [Y!]
• The Black Crowes fire their keyboardist. He had a crush on Kate Hudson, too. [AP]
• Jennifer Lopez proves she can keep busy even while not making any good music or movies. [Much Music]
• Robert Downey Jr. is speaking about his wedding weekend feud with Ron Perelman and Ellen Barkin, but he says his location switch had less to do with their photo policy on the estate and more to do with their wishes for unhappiness.
• Lindsay Lohan tried reaching out to foe Hilary Duff, only to have the starlet’s sister hang up on her. Hmm, perhaps she’s trying to reconcile in time for their Bad Girls shoot?
• Today show laugh track Al Roker hasn’t been seen in two weeks, even with the country’s biggest meteorological event taking place. Rumor had it he was just sick, but publicist Howard Rubenstein now says he’s going in for “minor back surgery.”
• Jennifer Lopez and Bordertown co-star Antonia Banderas are said to be elevating their professional on-set relationship to something a little more flirtatious, naturally pissing off Melanie Griffith’s lips and Marc Anthony’s skeleton.
• If Naomi Campbell can’t slap you in person, she’ll do it on a T-shirt. But the joke landed fashionisto Mal Sirrah on her blacklist with his shirt “Naomi slapped me… (on the front) and I slapped that bitch back! (on the back),” though Naomi’s camp says it’s more PR stunt than fact.
• Andre 3000 may not eat meat but he’s got no problem killing animals for the sake of fashion. He’s cutting off the tails of the endangered gray wolf to push his latest fashion must-have.
• It turns out Suge Knight shot himself at Kanye West’s MTV VMA party, which makes us less keen on feeling sympathetic.