• Samantha Ronson may have royally screwed Lindsay Lohan in every way imaginable.
• Plus, now Ronson is “cheating” on LiLo with frenemy Nicole Richie.
• Meanwhile, that PSA Lindsay shot to discourage drunk driving is suddenly kind of hilarious.
• Avril Lavigne gives out her favorite digit.
• Next time you’re feeling down and out, look at it this way. At least you’re not some unemployed dude living out of your parents’ basement and resting your head on homemade Backstreet Boys pillows.
• Turns out that TB patient who defied health officials’ warnings by going on a wedding trip to Europe may not even have gotten married. On the plus side, he did, however, give lots of people a drug-resistant form of Tuberculosis.
Given our somewhat tired/hungover state this morning, we only glanced at today’s Media Pad, and thus missed a veritable gem about Hearst Magazines prez Cathie Black. It seems Black was on the view recently (sometime after the Rosie/Elisabeth splitscreen screaming match, hence after we decided to care) and she apparently had a lot to say about, well, everything.
Most of it was boring forever (tips on salary negotiations, blahblahblah) until we got to the part where she explains the very best way to fire someone.
Black explained her approach to dismissing employees (perhaps if they ask for too much money?). “If you do have to fire someone, you have another person in the room, because we live in a much more litigious world today. You don’t get into ???he said, she said.’ You make it very short, and ideally you make it somewhere else, not your office. Why? Because it’s harder to get up and leave your own office and leave a person sitting there. Whereas if you’re in a conference room, you can say, ???You know, I think it’s finished.’” If only the conference rooms at the Hearst Tower could talk.
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In today’s Joe Scarborough themed edition of Cable Quotables, Intern Wendy reminds us all that no matter how crazy we are, there’s always someone crazier. And that person has his own morning talk show. Read on to find out more about Joe’s schizophrenic, god-fearing and street tough sides. Then find out what’s cuter than a cocker spaniel (Answer: nothing) and curse Willie Geist for ruining your kid’s holiday cheer.
• ???Wait, hold on. Wait a second. I don???t have that domain yet. Hold on, Joe Scarborough is God of the universe?????? Joe Scarborough, entering the blogosphere with his typical understated humility, Scarborough Country, May 29
• ???My dog sometimes comes to me and tells me fantastical lies.??? Joe Scarborough, proving Rover really is a (crazy) man’s best friend, Morning Joe, May 30
• ???I like Joe. He smokes crack a little too much.??? Joe Scarborough, disarming us with his sleep-deprived honesty, Morning Joe, May 30
• ???I???m not anti-whale, but I have never seen the appeal of a whale over say a Golden Retriever or a Cocker Spaniel. I never got the whale fever.??? Tucker Carlson, evidently not a fan of Sea World, Tucker, May 30
• ???Remember that moment you found out there was no Santa Claus? I???m reliving that right now. It hurts. Is anything real? Does my mom love me???? Willie Geist, wrecking Christmas for children everywhere, Tucker, May 30
• The mental picture of firecrotch Danny Bonaduce “shoving his junk” into a stripper’s face is enough to make us vomit a little. But for those of you with strong stomachs, there’s also a video!
• Has anyone else noticed how utterly transparent Courteney Cox has become?
• Sienna Miller bonds with Keira Knightley while filming The Edge of Love, a.k.a. the film that booted Lindsay Lohan for being a total shitshow.
• Paulina Rubio performs on TRL. Rubio remembers her lyrics, forgets to wear pants.
• Meanwhile, Calum Best is vying to become the next K-Fed.
As we write this, we???re looking out the window and salivating over the picture perfect weather outside,* currently being wasted on lazy unemployed persons and pretentious NYU students. And so, for your sanity and ours, we???ve decided to kick off a glorious new feature called ???Comment of the Day,??? to provide a transient glimmer of entertainment for all you working stiffs who would much rather be downing margaritas poolside on the Jersey Shore (while fending off advances from married, guidos named Tony) than slaving away in your cubicles.
Today???s ???Comment of the Day??? comes to us from Wonkette, and pertains to Scooter Libby’s sentencing memorandum—an unbiased legal document (produced by Scooter Libby’s legal team) explaining why defendant Scooter Libby should not be sentenced to prison.
Early contender “Words” gets things started with a bang:
Shame is he’s the only one in our lifetime to pay for anything this Loser Administration has done (besides the constituents, of course). –Words
Ultimately, however, “Gnaeus” wins us over with his blunt candor.
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In just two days, you’ll witness MTV’s first experiment with broadcasting the Movie Awards live — and then never again! Well, we forget what they told us about Sunday’s broadcast, but from what we recall, they’re only going to make the broadcast available online, all in hopes of generating something called “ratings” for Sunday night’s event.
But who cares about all that! What you really want to know is what the talent (celebrities, reality TV stars, overeager publicists) will be walking away with. So here you are, this year’s look inside MTV’s gift bag.
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Us Weekly’s blues won’t be ending anytime soon. While Star rages back against Us – and Us continues digging its own hole with its “Fake News” feature – the magazine is also raking its own coals in other new and exciting ways.
Take, for instance, this week’s Hot Stuff section, where a full-page engagement story on The Hills‘ Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt includes an inset shot of what’s supposedly the ring she’s wearing. “Montag???s ring (she wore it May 24) is studded with diamond chips,” reads the caption.
Except Spencer says it’s a farce. “US has a picture of the wrong ring,” he tells a tattler. “That???s not the engagement ring I bought Heidi. No one has a picture of the ring yet.??? Meanwhile, Katie Ciarlo, an employee at Ice Accessories where Spencer bought the ring, also says Us has it wrong: “The picture US Weekly printed showed was the wrong ring. That is not the ring that Spencer bought Heidi.”
What was that about other tabloids printing “Fake News?”
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Remember yesterday when Page Six inexplicably took down an item about Michael Bublé striking out with (his girlfriend!) Emily Blunt? Well today, the red-faced Sixers attempt to make it up to the happy couple by publishing this open apology.
We Struck Out
SPIES who saw Michael Bublé and Emily Blunt at the Hotel Costes K in Paris were badly mistaken when they saw
Bublé “strike out” with the lovely lass – as was Page Six for reporting the “incident.” Bublé’s rep told us the low-key twosome “have been together for two years” and “are a lovely couple.” As for our spy saying he wore a “ridiculous” vest, Blunt told us via a rep, “I thought he looked very cute in the vest.” Contrary to reports elsewhere, the two are not engaged, although she’s a backup singer on his new album, “Call Me Irresponsible.”
You gotta admire Page Six for having the chutzpah to entitle their consolatory item, “We Struck Out.” Meanwhile, we’re just hoping someone can send us a picture of this “ridiculous” (or not-so-ridiculous!) vest.
Until then, we prefer to think of Bublé’s ensembly-challenged wardrobe as being inspired by fashion icons Screech Powers and Ducky (from Pretty in Pink). And we prefer to think of Emily Blunt as in denial.
After the whole embarrassing spectacle of Andy Roddick’s giant man-arms (not to mention In Touch’s anti-circlatory system stance on Angelina Jolie)) earlier this week, you’d think AMI would probably cut back on the Photoshopping for a little while.
You would, however, be wrong.
As Radar discovers, Star is already back to its usual tricks, starting with this week’s cover story on actress Jennifer Aniston.
Seeing is believing, as Star magazine knows. That’s why it illustrated its cover story about “Jen’s $5 Million Tell-All!” with a shot of Jennifer Aniston carrying what is plainly the manuscript she’s allegedly shopping around to publishers about her days with Brad Pitt.
But hang on???maybe Jen’s not really writing a book? In which case, maybe Star’s cover actually shows something else???say, Aniston attending an auction, holding an art catalog from Los Angeles Modern Auctions? And maybe Star simply airbrushed out the cover of the catalog, along with a pair of sunglasses she was holding, for good measure?
And while our first reaction is disappointment (we totally would have pre-ordered that book on Amazon!) our second reaction is more like feigned surprise.
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So much for sometime-Jann Wenner boytoy and ousted Men’s Fitness editor Neal Boulton taking time off “to write a book and pursue his humanitarian issues, such as obesity.” Well, if this inbox stuffer is to be believed.
“Insane,” says an unverified tipster. “I watched today as (a thinner) Neil [sic] Bolton was being followed out of the William Morris offices by what appeared to be a film or TV camera crew (with a sound boom etc.), Documenting his every move (a reality show?). He’s such a megalomaniac: ever since Bervovici and Ives wrote that he was the one breakout star of the failed show One Park Avenue he’s been hoping he would get picked up by a show. Even more fucked up, when a tourist stopped him to take his picture, he did, giving her his big stupid ‘Gay-Tom-Cruise’ smile.”
What’s wrong with this unsolicited info? First, that anyone outside (or, for that matter, inside) this industry would recognize Neal Boulton. And we’re going to leave it at that.
• A not-exactly-repentant Paris announces plans to keep a prison diary, which she will then auction off to the highest bidder.
• John Travolta continues to be embarrassed by his autistic teenage son, Jett. Meanwhile, Jett continues to be embarrassed by his pot-bellied Scientologist father, John Travolta.
• Meanwhile, “Because Brad and Angelina are not married they were unable to adopt a couple under Vietnamese law.” Fortunately for Brangelina, other third world countries are far less stringent.
• Meanwhile, Calum Best endeavors to help Lindsay Lohan the only way he knows how: by “cruising for girls and getting as drunk as he could.”
• Sharon Stone to play a “Hillary Clinton-type.” You know, if Hillary looking like an aging 40-something sexpot.
• *NSYNC alums Joey Fatone and Lance Bass had to wait for five minutes “before being allowed into the Rose Bar at the Gramercy Park Hotel.” The horror!
• On the plus side, Diane Sawyer scored an exclusive with Tuberculosis patient Andrew Speaker. On the minus side, Sawyer has started to develop ‘cold and flu-like symptoms.”
• Valerie Plame to sue CIA for right to publisher her memoirs. You know, because the CIA tends to frown on “Behind-the-scenes at CIA headquarters!” tell-alls
• As newsroom jobs fade, demand for them continues to grow, presumably because most English and Journalism majors had to pass/fail Econ 101, and hence know nothing of “supply and demand.”
• Studies show primetime television has lost its allure. And no, this isn’t another anti-Katie Couric piece.
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Bill O’Reilly, chimes Stereohyped, is worried! Worried that one day – even one day soon! – white Christian men might no longer be in power. And John McCain might be to blame.
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Earlier this week, the prosecution rested their case against billionaire mogul, Conrad Black, thus opening the door for the defense to try anything and everything to win over the jury. Which might explain why they’ve invited Donald Trump, officially to have him testify on their client’s behalf, unofficially to distract the jury with his residual star wattage.
But Trump’s task won’t be an easy one. The Apprentice star is reportedly being called up on to put a positive spin on the over-the-top “surprise” 60th birthday party Black threw for his wife, Barbara…which he then charged on the corporate card.
[The defense’s] focus will be on Trump’s account of [Black’s wife’s] extravagant birthday fete. Hollinger International picked up two-thirds of the $62,869.57 tab for the party at New York’s pricey French restaurant La Grenouille, where guests feasted on Beluga caviar and lobster washed down with $320 bottles of Dom Perignon and $13,000 worth of wine.
Prosecutors charge the party was “a social occasion with little, if any, business purpose.”
You hear that? Black—oops, we mean Hollinger International—spent $13,000, on wine alone. That’s practically enough to buy a new car (or at least a Kia). And here we were conflicted about those four cocktails we threw back at yesterday’s Happy Hour.
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Oh good! In the weeks since Rupert Murdoch bid billions for Dow Jones, we’re now on to the “considering” phase. In Andrew Sorkin and Richard Perez-Pena’s status update this morning, the word “consider” (or a variant) is used, between the headline and the photo caption and the actual body of the story, five times. Just to make sure you’re aware that the Bancroft family is thinking hard about whether to accept News Corp.’s takeover play.
Or, at least, the Bancrofts are willing to meet – physically, in person – to discuss. All caught up?