We're sure being royalty has its perks.
You get to call people peasants and sit in the fanciest chairs ... all-in-all, it's probably a pretty sweet gig.
But there are just so many freakin' rules you have to follow.
It's like someone combined being a celebrity with being in fourth grade and tossed in crowns to sweeten the deal.
If you're raised as royalty, that's one thing.
You've known since childhood that you would be forced to spend your adult life wearing a fake-ass smile and waving to the masses in a way that makes it look like you just learned how to wave.
But if you marry into the Windsor clan -- especially after a relatively brief courtship -- the culture shock is probably quite severe.
That's what Meghan Markle seems to be learning the hard way these days, as she attempts to navigate the byzantine labyrinth that is royal protocol.
At one of her first public appearances as a royal, Meghan's bare shoulders resulted in clutched pearls and shattered monocles all over the British Empire.
Shortly thereafter, Meghan had the audacity to try and hold Prince Harry's hand in plain view of the plebes.
Needless to say, another scandal ensued.
One would think that after being thoroughly admonished by royal traditionalists in the press, Meg would cool it on the modern attire and PDA, right?
Not so fast, guvnah!
According to several media outlets, Meghan stepped out sporting bare shoulders and clutching Harry's arm at the 100th birthday celebration for the Royal Air Force yesterday.
And the insults to the crown didn't end there.
Apparently, Meghan once again crossed her legs at the knee (a no-no, according to royal etiquette experts) in open defiance of the unwritten code of royal conduct.
This is probably exactly what the Queen was afraid of when Harry married an American.
This is like that dreadful ordeal with those blasted New World colonies all over again.
Next thing you know, she'll be downing hot dogs and Budweiser to commemorate the day that impertinent document was signed.