On Teen Mom 2 Season 7 Episode 9, sex talk was off the hook, while some of the obligatory legal and custody battles brewed as well.
At a concert with fiance Cole DeBoer, Chelsea Houska referred to her man's "ding-dong" and vowed to have Jason Aldean "sign my vag."
Good times. Meanwhile, her daughter Aubree Lind needed glasses and suffered a complete meltdown over getting her eye drops put in.
Poor thing. Meanwhile, Javi Marroquin arranged (from overseas) for Kailyn Lowry and her friends to go out partying, which was cool.
Not so cool? Kailyn's sex life, or lack thereof.
"I'm fine ... that's what toys are for," she mused before complaining about her shower head. "I'm just pissed it doesn't come off."
"Javi asked me to send him naked pictures all the time. But I won't because it's too risky. What if I send it to the wrong person?"
These are the risks we face today, it's true.
Meanwhile, Javi was not enjoying deployment, venting to his wife via FaceTime and showing signs of cracking from abroad.
"I can't go anywhere," he said. "I don't have anything here. I have my room. I eat, and I sleep to wake up again. It's just hard."
Between being apart and two little kids, it's no wonder Kailyn Lowry and Javi Marroquin divorce rumors have run rampant lately.
Meanwhile, the drama escalated between Jenelle Evans, her mother Barbara Evans, and Jenelle's new boyfriend David Eason.
Babs, as usual, was withholding Jenelle's son Jace, which has been an ongoing issue and which David was very upset about.
"She never wants you to see him, she doesn't want you to keep him on holidays," Eason drawled to Jenelle. "That ain't right."
"She's trying to keep your own child from you."
Barbara ended up getting into a screaming match with David after she picked Jace up, yelling at him as Jenelle hid out in the bedroom.
"Call the police! You live here, and she pays all the bills like every other guy!" Barbara yelled, to which David responded in kind.
Not at all dysfunctional down in the Carolinas.
Finally, Leah Messer and Corey Simms were at odds again, not long after they had agreed to split custody and seemed to turn a corner.
At issue? Messer's lawyer listed the young mother of three and Corey as "joint custodians," which was not cool with Simms' attorney.
Corey's take on this latest legal twist?
"If the judge says Leah's primary custodian, [I] hope she makes some right decisions, and she don't end up in jail for truancy or something stupid like that."
"To do what he's done to my kids? I don't care if he takes another breath … All I can do is fight against it. That's all I can do."