The Real Housewives of Miami Recap: Even the Sex Is Boring...

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the Real Housewives of Miami performed some old "Black Magic" this week but it still wasn't enough to keep me from yawning through this episode.

We'll recap the marriage spin and boring sex in our THG +/- review.

The Happy Couple

A couple of weeks ago Romain bought Joanna a car. Now he's bought her a house. He obviously wants to get married…but not have sex?

Minus 17. Is anyone else confused? Romain and Joanna haven't had sex in six weeks and that's OK with him. Seriously? He even turns our down for a quickie in their new home.  

So what's the deal. Is he gay? Too tired from his mistress to want his fiancee?

Is he just not that into her? Or is he truly the romantic he claims to be and likes to take his time? Even if that's true, six weeks is a bit much, don't you think?

Romain's ticked off that Marta's still meddling, even from states away, so he refuses to show up for he and Joanna's sex therapy session.  Minus 22.

Honestly, if you need a sex therapist before the marriage, is it even worth it?  I think I've heard enough about Joanna just wanting to get f**ked and we're not even through half of the season.

Marysol calls in her psychic. I guess with momma Elsa out of commission she needs reinforcements. Plus 12 because a card reading sounds like fun.

Not so much. The psychic advisor sees that someone has performed black magic on Elsa. The woman is about 50, blonde and likes to manipulate those around her.

I was a little surprised they didn't have a cartoon bubble over their heads with a picture of Lea Black in a witch hat. Minus 18. Could that description have been any more obvious?

Lea and Alexia had dueling social functions but Lea had Lance Bass promoting hers. Hopefully that helps because Alexia and Herman's party looked darn empty.

Alexia was hoping for a little drama which is why she didn't bother stepping in when Romain, Frederic, and Adriana started arguing…in French.

Why does fighting sound sexier when done in French? Plus 11.

But how much of a publicity whore must you be to want your guests to fight? And how quick was Alexia to turn on Lea when she greeted Ana? Minus 30.  Being polite doesn't mean you're being a hypocrite.

Adriana has spun this whole marriage debacle so many times that I'm dizzy. From what I can figure, she had a legal ceremony but called off the church ceremony. But why not just say that? Why not admit that she and Frederic were married but separated?

Minus 33 because I don't think Adriana knows the truth herself anymore she's told so many lies.

In the end, I'm with Lisa. Staying at home and taking a romantic bubble bath with her husband was definitely the way to go. Plus 23.

Was anyone else bored by The Real Housewives of Miami?


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