Here Comes Honey Boo Boo aired an episode last night that focuses on pregnant, pageants and the equivalent of poop in a can.
Yup, it was just another evening in Georgia with Alana Thompson and family last night, as we've rundown the most noteworthy scenes and nauseating one-liners below, grading them on THG's patented +/- curve....
Chickadee (aka Anna) spends a medicated night in the hospital due to contractions she describes as pain "going through my vajayjay." MINUS 12 for lack of originality. We'd have accepted anything clam-related here.
Alana then asks a bunch of questions to her bedridden sister at home, mostly focusing on her own tummy incidents of the past: "When my belly hurts, it's usually gas or too many chicken nuggets." PLUS 6 for making us miss the innocent life of being a child.
Honey Boo Boo proceeds to say she hopes for a family one day. A very big family. "I want to have thousands and thousands and thousands and thousands and thousands." MINUS 47 because... no. God, no, no no, please no.Pumpkin (aka Lauryn), Chubbs (Jessica) and Mama (June) all took their final weigh-ins, with Pumpkin gaining eight pounds, Jessica losing three and June losing one. PLUS 9 because, hey, at least some weight was miraculously lost.
The family goes to a water park and June can't get out of her tube. PLUS 4 because of course she can't.
"This life jacket makes me look like a chunky lemon," says Alana, earning MINUS 10 for simply stating the obvious.
June shows off her "forklift foot." ZERO POINTS in either direction because we couldn't bear to look.
June prepares her daughter for the upcoming Rock Star pageant, telling her to "make sure you show your pretty tanned belly to the judges." MINUS 8 for lying to a child. The belly is neither pretty nor naturally tanned, as we saw Alana getting sprayed and were forced to hear this quote from her:
"Spray tan is like poop in a can."
Alana wins Queen in her age division, but not Rock Star Grand Supreme at the pageant. Still, PLUS 13 for this positive outlook: "If you're a champion, you're still a winner."