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Heather Mills is not going down without being paid a substantial amount of money for it a fight.

The former call girl/activist ex-wife of Paul McCartney is speaking out against the World Wide Web of lies she says has been spun against her by celebrity gossip sites. No way she could be talking about us, right?

Heather Mills – who may be reading this right now! – says she is surfing the Web in order to clear up stories about her. If so, we have three words for Mills: Bring. It. On.

“I stopped reading stories about myself a number of years ago. I just thought ‘this is just a waste of time’, but recently I’ve been going through the Internet, clearing up [rumors],” Mills said in a new interview.

That’s how you ought to spend your time, Heather! Forget teaching your daughter how not to dig gold.

“I’ve got five apologies so far from [the] British media and I’ve got many thousands to go. I plan to clear the Internet so my daughter doesn’t read all the lies when she’s 12,” Mills added.

Sorry, but you’re not getting any apologies from us, Heather. We call it like we see it.

And, thanks to your hilarious, self-serving exploits, we see a one-legged nude photo that never fails to make us laugh.