Bachelor Pad Recap: Welcome to the Douche Olympics

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This week on Bachelor Pad ... a lot of inane things happened.

Our recap could end there and be sufficient, but ABC's guilty pleasure, which premiered in all its glory last week after Emily Maynard picked Jef Holm on The Bachelorette, did offer some memorable moments Monday night.

Who got the boot and who got some tail? Find out below!

Bachelor Pad Photo

Twins Brittany and Erica T., some of the "fans" cast this season, were at each other's throats from the onset, and not in a creepy/hot way. Minus 12.

"You're not a slut, OK? I would never have said that if I was sober," one of the twins offered as an olive branch in the night's best quote. Plus 12.

This week's challenge was to learn and perform a gymnastics routine in front of a panel of judges, in honor of the London Olympics. Ugh. Minus 9.

Judges Ashley Herbert, J.P. Rosenbaum and Olympic gymnast Tasha Schwikert were assigned to score this nonsense. Plus 3 for the Ash sighting.

The ladies group gets a collective Minus 40. Aren't women supposed to be the gender that can dance? Apparently not this collection of them.

The guys earn a Plus 10. Erica Rose and Ed Swiderski were voted the worst performance from each group, with a point docked against them.

Michael Stagliano and Blakeley Shea, both dancers by trade, earn the roses in what was a totally unfair contest, but still, Plus 5 for effort.

Mike took Rachel, Lindzi and Donna out for a night of rocking to a band and rocking worlds for the latter. Donna? A little obsessed. Minus 13.

He gave the date rose to Rachel, CRUSHING poor Donna, whose heart was LITERALLY shattered into like a million pieces. Groan. Minus 27.

At the Pad, peeps celebrated Jamie's birthday. Virgin Ryan wants her, but she has eyes only for Chris, who totally wants to tap that booty but feels he must simultaneously lead Blakeley on as his "game plan." Ah, Bachelor Pad. Plus 20.

How is Chris such a player? He's not particularly charming, friendly or attractive. Yet at least two girls are ALL about it. Minus 6.

Chris tells Jamie he had no feelings for Blakeley and then tells Blakeley he had no feelings for Jamie. Ah, Bachelor Pad. Plus 11.

Jamie walks in on Chris and Blakeley in bed. If you want to play two girls, doing one of them in the room they share isn't typically the stealthiest way of going about your "strategy," but Plus 7 for entertainment value.

Blakeley chose Chris, Ed and super fan Dave for her date, a Bachelor Pad soapbox derby event won by Ed. Plus 8 for his Pickle Car.

Chris got the rose. Shocker. Minus 4.

The twins, for no reason at all, begin a high-pitched, long-running, confusing, pointlessly irritating fight that ultimately leads to them both leaving. Thus, no elimination for the girls tonight. Minus 30.

Lindzi Cox and Kalon McMahon? Really? Eh, Plus 5.

Anyone and Ed? Eh, Minus 5.

Ryan gets the boot after getting voted off by his own partner, Jamie, who probably still lusts after Chris for reasons unknown. Minus 20.

EPISODE TOTAL: -77.

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OMG when did we start having 5th graders on Bachelor Pad. The new platform is not working for me. If I wanted family drama, I would go home to my own family!

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Oh dear god. The girls are so stupid. Those leotards are quality leotards and they're crazy expensive. I abslutely loved them. The guys are a bunch of idiots too. Their uniforms actually look good on real male gymnasts. Gymnastics is a beautiful sport and they absolutely failed to appreciate this. Seriously, I would love to be observed by an Olympic gymnast and told what I'm doing wrong. It would be the greatest advice ever. What a bunch of smarta**.

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Chris is showing his true colors.....nasty jerk! Thank God Emily blew him off. Yes Chris, you are an immature brat.

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Has anyone else notice how much Erica and Octomom look alike. They look alike and have the same tone to their voices. If they had the same color hair they could pass as twins at least sisters. Perhaps Octomom should be on B P. also Chris's true colors are showing, he is a real weirdo creepo. I could never figure out what Emily saw in him to carry him as far as she did into the bachorlette, but right now she's probably thinking "yuck"