Kim Kardashian Admits to Fake Marriage, Scripted Reality Show; Plans Year Away From the Spotlight

by at . Comments

I could no longer look at myself in the mirror.

So stated Kim Kardashian this morning in a stunning turn of events, as the reality star admitted her marriage to Kris Humphries was a money-making scam; agreed to pay her ex a $20 million settlement and then dropped a final bombshell on fans: she will avoid all red carpets and publicity opportunities for a year.

"I've been living a lie for too long," Kim said. "I bought Ray J that video camera. I read cue cards on E!. My manager calls the paparazzi any time I'm in a bikini. Heck, I can't even get dressed in the morning without my mom telling me what to wear."

Kim Kardashian on Rodeo Drive

Kardashian added that she and her sisters help tabloid editors come up with supposedly scandalous headlines, pushing sales of those magazine and then taking to their blogs to refute the rumors and garner sympathy from fans.

It's a circular tactic that Kim says she learned from former best friend Paris Hilton, adding:

"Those tabloids made money, their employees kept their jobs, my family came out as the victim. My Facebook followers even believed I was actually confiding in them. Everybody was winning... or so I thought. Turns out, my soul had been lost a long time ago."

Kim says she will donate all the money she's earned from Tweeting product names to those who tried QuickTrim because they believed it was a healthy weight loss supplement.

"Come on," she scoffed. "It's not even FDA approved. I'm a multi-millionaire with no real job. I lost all this weight because I had the time to work out and the money to pay a personal trainer."

It's taken a very long time, but THG applauds Kim Kardashian for finally telling the truth about all the fallacies in her life. We'd also like to say...

... Yeah, right.

HAPPY APRIL FOOL'S DAY!

Tags:
Like Us On Facebook

More From The Hollywood Gossip

A-kim-kardashian-selfie

13 Krazy Kim Kardashian Quotes: Kome Again?

Kim Kardashian says some crazy things sometimes. We relive some of her nuttiest quotes here.
Kris-jenner-and-topless-daughters

Kris Jenner Poses Topless with Daughters, Misses Them So Much

Kris Jenner is posing here with Kim, Kourtney and Khloe Kardashian. All are topless.
Epa-tweet

EPA Tweets Involvement in Kim Kardashian Video Game, Leaves Universe Confused

The Environmental Protection Agency sent out an odd Tweet last night. It said it somehow had a role in the ongoing Kim Kardashian video game.
Kim-kardashian-nose-ring-photo

Kim Kardashian Rocks Nose Ring, Purple Hair In Latest Weird Selfie

Kim Kardashian tried out a blod new look on Instagram. She posted a photo of herself sporting a nose ring and purple hair.

Avatar

Everything about this woman is fake, from her Brazilian fat grafted arse, boobs, the works. Nothing surprises me anymore when it comes to fakeness with this "reality" star. In the end, she's the emperor with no clothes laughing to the bank. Why do we care, we're lining her cosmetic surgery pocketbook for more reality to come. LOL

Avatar

Useless cow

Avatar

You had me going right down to the *April Fool's Day*.. GOOD ONE though. You do have a SENSE of HUMOR *Hollywood Gossip*. Isn't it FUN trying to be FUNNY.

Avatar

Anyway kim,this is a blast to u an also ur family.so every thing is all about wealth,fame etc.is so unfair that all u gat aint enough.off course oliver will always want some more.anyway I salute ur courage by coming out openly and decleared ur mind.both this is a big lesson to everyone.learn how to be contempted with wat u gat.for kris ur a man I respect u a lot .just let it be and move on with ur life which is the most essential now.thanks everyone

Avatar

Don't hate congratulate people.

Avatar

Oh I just love her * # % !! (All you stupid ignorant fans) how she got away with making millions by DOING NOTHING AT ALL. Wish we could all be so lucky!

Avatar

way 2 go kim!

Avatar

BTW Robb Van not an obama lover just forgiving of her mistakes because everyone makes them just because she is pretty enough to be in the eyeof the world does not always mean she has to be perfect... Does anyone ever stay married now days??? Didn't think so..

Avatar

She was always a skanky fake phoney asa I don't lil ha but for he dis all I gotta say karmas a bitch and she is tucking raistt she a stupid tucking spoiled brat and i

Avatar

This girl is a piece of trash!...A serial cheating skank!..Kanye West: untalented, unoriginal, arrogant, racist!...Kim Kardashian: untalented, unoriginal, arrogant, vapid, delusional, self absorbed skanky slut = The Perfect Match