The Real Housewives of Atlanta Recap: From the Motherland to Haterville

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The Real Housewives of Atlanta spent 10 days in South Africa, but did anything really change besides Cynthia's hairdos? We recap the homecoming in THG's +/- review.

First we have to leave South Africa which may take longer than you'd think given the amount of shoes that Marlo has to pack. Oh, but she has help. Some poor resort worker comes in so that Marlo can lounge on her bed and explain how each shoe must be packed in it's own separate little bag so that they don't rub together in flight.

Seriously? Minus 10.

Headin' Back to ATL

Then "Blue Eyes" as NeNe calls their personal helper must run across to help NeNe close up her suitcases. There are several but at least NeNe packed them herself so Plus 5.

I want to believe Blue Eyes got a decent tip for this nonsense but somehow I doubt it.

When the ladies finally leave, there is singing and dancing. Yes, it's supposed to be some sort of ceremonial custom but honestly, can you imagine how relieved the staff must be to see these high maintenance, bossy women finally leave?   

Somehow Phaedra seems to think that all of their positive experiences at the orphanage will have this crew headed back to the States as better women. Ha! Minus 8. I didn't know they made rose colored glasses that strong.

Back home Cynthia brings back presents from South Africa for Noelle but nothing for Peter. Apparently she didn't speak to them much while she was gone. Minus 10. She was away from her husband and daughter for 10 days. You'd think she'd keep in touch.

Zolciak Attack

It's Peter and Cynthia's one year anniversary and Peter's overcompensating by throwing a big bash. Yes, he wants a black tie event for 150 people from 7 p.m. to midnight but with as little food as possible because he's on a tight budget.

I think that party planner had the same look on his face that I did. Minus 12. Who wants to go to a party and starve. I'll pass.

Does anyone else notice that Cynthia, the woman he's supposedly throwing this party for, doesn't seem the least bit interested?

Peter recruits NeNe for help with the party but it really gets interesting when they talk about her son. Bryson got picked up for shoplifting from Walmart and has spent the last five days sitting in jail. Minus 15. He's 21 and not a child. Idiot.

I could see both sides of NeNe and Peter's debate. NeNe wants to let him sit his butt in jail and learn a lesson. His life's been easy. It's time to learn that there are consequences. Plus 10 for the tough love.

Oh No She Didn't Eyes

But Peter mentioned that he did less than two days in jail when he was the same age for running a red light. OK, my first question is what else did he do because they don't generally arrest someone for running a light ... but let's move on. He says one day in the slammer had him scared straight and he knows friends who have had very bad experiences in county lock up. Maybe it's time to spring the kid. NeNe says she'll consider it.

Finally we head over to Kim and apparently we're suppose to feel sorry for her. She's so frazzled. She has a 17,000 square foot home, two housekeepers, a personal chef, an interior designer, and a pseudo assistant but damn, she hasn't found a nanny yet and this three month old is just too much for her.

Minus 15. Oh, the horror. She has to take care of her own kid.

And what is up with the nude photos of her and Kroy as art work? Is she trying to scare her guests? Minus 8.

Leakes Look

Sheree, Phaedra, and Kandi all stop by Kim's for a friendly lunch ... uh, not really. Sheree suddenly has it out for Kandi and seems downright gleeful to be driving a wedge in between these two friends. Minus 10

Sheree's screeching, Kandi's screeching back, and Kim's yelling over the fray as Phaedra sits quietly eating her red velvet cupcake. She's not about to out scream these fools but when she's pulled into the argument she tries to be the voice of reason. Plus 12.

Of course that voice gets drown out by more screaming before it can even finish a sentence.

So what's up with Sheree? She's got the new Porsche but nothing but a hole in the ground where her new home should be. And is Kandi right? Do you think Kim would have gone to South Africa if she didn't have baby KJ?

EPISODE TOTAL: -61! SEASON TOTAL: -391!

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The Real Housewives of Atlanta Quotes

[to Kenya Moore] You best hope nothing happens to me, because you might not have a job. I'm your storyline. I sustain your career . . . I built you, so stop playing games.

Apollo Nida

[to Kenya Moore] "You a sneaky, trifling slut."

Phaedra Parks