Kourtney & Kim Take New York Recap: Time to Find a Different Formula

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We're fast approaching the point of too much Kardashian (quite frankly, I think we may already be past that point). Ryan Seacrest and his minions need a new formula, because the current one of Kim plus Kourtney and too much of Scott Disick isn't working.

Once upon a time Kris and Co. were a guilty pleasure, and we'd happily wait around for Khloe to tip Kourtney upside down like a teapot. 

Here in the city that never sleeps, though, the viewers find ourselves dozing off during Kourtney & Kim Take New York. Why are we so bored, you ask?

It's the dynamic between Kourtney and Kim. We've been over this a few times. As sultry (and a bit slutty) as Kim Kardashian might appear on print, she doesn't have much on-screen appeal.

The only time we get a chuckle out of the buxom brunette is when Kourt and Khloe make a joke at her expense. We're all well aware now why Kourtney and Khloe play favorites with one another - it's because Kim is snoozy and a little self-centered.

If we're going to be forced to endure more Kardashian invasion, let's at least bring in the players that entertain us. Even Kourtney's struggling to keep our attention this go-round, and giving Scott more airtime isn't helping things.

It was much better when he tinkered around in the background. Remember season one of Keeping Up With The Kardashians? He was just Kourtney's younger boyfriend, sometimes around for tapings, but oftentimes on the other coast.

Let's revisit that formula, because it worked well for everyone.

If we must, let's take a look back at last night's episode:

There was an obvious crotch grab, a rich people version of Hoarders and a case of mistaken sexuality that forced Kim to work on her gaydar.

Scott emerged from the Smyth, and as if on cue grabbed his crotch for readjustment. Smirking because he knew he nailed his mark, Scott greeted the day a more satisfied man. Kourtney... not so much. While I believe the Kardashian shows follow a script, it's Kourtney who still tries to keep it real.

That oh-so-obvious crotch adjustment made her stop, drop and give it to Scott for basically handing the paparazzi their million dollar shot for the day.

With Scott's jewels correctly placed, Kourt attends to more pressing matters like the store that brought her east. Dash needs her attention and Simon Huck from The Spin Crowd (craptastic reality show starring one of the most offensive men in the world, Jonathan Cheban) offers up the services of a wonderfully straight marketing expert.

Might I mention that Simon's unkempt scruffiness suits him? Much more attractive than the cardigan-tie combo.  

For Inland Empire

So sultry in photos. So boring on television.

Simon sets up a meeting between Kourtney, Kim and Marco the marketing expert. Marco compliments Kim's Hermes bracelet and Louboutin booties, signaling to Kim that she's found a new latte-sipping shopping buddy. Hooray!

Marco knows fashion, so he must be gay, right? Not so fast, says Simon. The next day Kourtney confirms with Huck that Marco is straight as an arrow.

"Just because he's not walking around with a football does not mean the man is a huge gaylord," he tells Kourt. Well put.

PS - Let's keep it from Kim, just for sh!ts and giggles.

Kim lets her hair down with Marco. They talk shop in the Scoop dressing room while he zips her up, they make plans to go out on the way home... things are great!

It's not until Kim attempts a set-up for Marco do things go sour. There she sits, in between a straight and a gay, thinking she's responsible for this amazing set-up.

When Marco confirms to Kim that he's straight, she freezes. Instead of addressing the elephant in the room, Kim makes the situation worse by just sitting there.

No jokes, no discussion. They all just sit there and make botox faces. Unable to handle it any longer, Marco makes a polite exit, while Kim just watches him leave.

She should have done a better job of explaining herself, but instead she waited until he left to admit to her friend that she f*%ked up. Classy.

Meanwhile, Scott proves himself to be a bit of a slob.

We're grabbing for straws at this point, because the 7 or so minutes of airtime that Kourtney and Scott get aren't much to gab about. I'm still stuck on Scott rolling into the hotel room, muttering, "I just had the longest day at the office."

Come again? Did you say office?

Where is this "office" and what exactly do you do there? And please put that pinky down when you're sipping your coffee. It's really getting on my nerves.

It's a sad day when I'm more interested in what happens on Holly's World.

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Kim Kardashian Biography

A Kim Kardashian Selfie
Kim Kardashian is the ex-girlfriend of Nick Cannon, Reggie Bush and Ray J. She had intercourse on camera with the former, which is what... More »
Born
Birthplace
Los Angeles, California
Full Name
Kimberly Noel Kardashian

Kim Kardashian Quotes

So far, designing is the most exciting thing I’ve done... I have a vision of what I want [the clothes] to look like in my mind and it’s fun to see it come alive on paper.

Kim Kardashian

He just seemed very firm about the change, and that’s, like, his motto.

Kim Kardashian [on Barack Obama]