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Anchorperson Impatient For This Whole Tiresome ‘Save The Planet Crusade’ To Come To An End

Despite looking snazzy at last night’s Planet in Peril premiere, CNN’s ambiguous ubiquitous anchorperson Anderson Cooper was, evidently, less than motivated.

When CNN producer David Doss announced that Planet in Peril would probably become a regular feature on Anderson Cooper 360, Cooper groaned, “Jesus Christ! We really need to solve this whole environmental thing quickly, because I really don’t want to do it again.”

Or, to quote the words of a certain prescient pretend-frog: “It just ain’t easy been green.”

Oct 19, 2007 · Link · Respond

Reporting Live From CNN, Of Course! Or Working Out At Equinox

A story in today’s Variety asserts that “CNN is permanently shifting to taped programming for the second hour of Anderson Cooper 360.” And just when we started panicking about what we’d do without our daily 120-minute live Anderson fix, CNN spokesperson Christa Robinson emerges out of nowhere to dismiss that report as “flat wrong.”

AC360 continues to be a two hour program from 10 to midnight,” says Robinson. “At 11pm, Anderson reports live for 10-15 minutes and stays live as news warrants.” And it stands to reason that yesterday, there simply wasn’t very much news, presumably because it was the first night of Rosh Hashanah and the media’s still run by the Jews.

In any event, however, we’re relieved. For one thing, we just sort feel more comfortable knowing where Anderson is after dark. And for another, we just can’t seem to shake the feeling that CNN and Anderson Cooper tapes just don’t mix.

Sep 13, 2007 · Link · Respond

Two weeks ago, Anderson Cooper shot a Hurricane Katrina special in New Orleans. Last week, CNN called Cooper up while he’s vacationing to inform him they’d lost the tapes and demand that he fly back immediately and reshoot. A justifiably pissed Cooper was overheard to complain, “Great, now I’ll never get a tan.” [P6]

Sep 4, 2007 · Link · Respond

Anderson Cooper Teams Up With ‘Grouchy’ Anchors Walter Cranky And Dan Rather-Not

A plucky Anderson Cooper ends up in a trash can next to three grouches, two television
has-beens and an ugly green monster. Or, as Elisabeth Hasselbeck calls it, “My life.”

Aug 10, 2007 · Link · 4 Responses

Young girls want to be bitches, not holy

• “The culture is probably working much harder at making little girls want a Bratz doll than a Jesus doll.” —John Gibson, realizing that “water into wine” can’t compete with dressing like a hooker, The Big Story, August 1

• “News flash people, god is in children and flowers and the morning dew. He is not way up a vagina. OK? Look elsewhere.” —Michael Musto, detailing his personal spiritual quest, Countdown, July 31

• “You know, it’s odd. I’m on a rooftop, and I don’t see any pigeons. Maybe — maybe it’s had an effect already. Is it possible?” —Anderson Cooper, sharing his aviary contraceptives knowledge, Anderson Cooper 360, July 31

• “Talk to???have an honest conversation with anybody who has gone on a radical vegetarian diet, and they will tell you they have to remind themselves that sex exists.” —Tucker Carlson, on why he’ll never go vegan, Tucker, July 31

• “Guns don’t kill people. Dogs kill people.” —Willie Geist, pimping the NRA, Tucker, August 1

Aug 3, 2007 · Link · 1 Response

Last night on Leno, Anderson Cooper compared going gray to pre-mature ejaculation. What, then, is going bald like? [Queerty]

Aug 2, 2007 · Link · 1 Response

‘User Questions’ Subjected To Behind-The-Scenes Tinkering

“Monday will deliver a milestone in presidential campaign history, as user-generated video drives a debate,” wrote CNN as part of its pre-YouTube debate marketing bonanza.

But how much of the content was really user-generated? And how much of it was indirectly manufactured by CNN?

HuffPo looks to the questioners for answers.


Jul 25, 2007 · Link · Respond

The Coop, The Coop, The Coop Is On Fire

• Anderson Cooper may have not-cheated on that guy he’s not-sleeping with with another guy he’s not sleeping with. You know, because he’s not gay.

• Unfortunately for Demi Moore, there’s no statute of limitations on full frontal nudity.

• Hollywood’s new Rat Pack is less about drinking and having a good time and more about converting other rich people over to Scientology.

• Jim Carrey’s long, shaggy ‘do is out of control. Geez, it’s like he didn’t even bother to check himself out in Jenny McCarthy’s tacky-slash-reflective gold dress before he left the house.

• Isn’t it amazing what six whole weeks without cocaine can do for your cleavage??

Jul 23, 2007 · Link · Respond

Cooking With The Coop

Ever wondered what meal Anderson Cooper fantasizes about, what unsolicited advice an embittered former CBS producer has for Katie Couric, and who’s really watching Larry King? Then, come right in! And let Intern Wendy provide you with a refresher course on everything from Katie Couric to bull-fighting to cannibal stew.

• “She’s gone from being sort of an exuberant presence to someone who looks like they’ve been kidnapped and drugged and are making a hostage tape. It has nothing to do with her being a male or female, it’s just not comfortable to watch.” Mary Mapes, offering Katie Couric a little constructive criticism, Morning Joe, July 17

• “You’re—you???re officially a wolf observer now. Or excuse me, you’re officially a wolf watcher now. And is that your first wolf?” Doug Smith, getting all the juicy details on Anderson Cooper???s “first time,” Anderson Cooper 360, July 12

• “If you see some great videos of some bulls goring people, tell us about it at,” Anderson Cooper, clearly siding against the matadors, Anderson Cooper 360, July 12


Jul 17, 2007 · Link · 1 Response

It can be hard to intro your story about Congress spending taxpayer money on earmarks when Kathy Griffin is your lead in.

Don’t you just sometimes feel they do it because they know it’ll end up on YouTube?

Jun 22, 2007 · Link · 2 Responses

• Many concert goers are guilty of smoking, chugging shots and forgetting the majority of the lyrics, and some would argue that Lily Allen is no exception. Then again, she did it onstage.

• Paris Hilton has already shed five pounds since becoming a guest of the state. Related: an envious Nicole Richie to throw herself at the mercy of the court.

• Also, Hilton has finally left the medical center (a.k.a. loony bin) and rejoined her fellow Lynwood inmates.

• Anderson Cooper can only lift five-pound weights, says stalker/openly gay rocker Rufus Wainwright.

• “My driver is a crackhead” screamed Rosario Dawson, prompting Martha Stewart to respond, “He must be Eqyptian, dear.”

• A remake of Hairspray hits the big screen next month, but the casting of John Travolta as Edna Turnblad has gay critics flaming mad. Apparently, traditionalists wanted to see the role go to a cross-dressing transsexual rather than a closeted homo.

• Jay-Z woos Beyonce by promising her the world. Starting with lung cancer.

Jun 14, 2007 · Link · 1 Response

You skinny queen

Happy birthday, Anderson! There’s nothing like turning 40 and having Gloria Vanderbilt tell you that you’re not gonna catch any mens if you stay so skinny.

Jun 6, 2007 · Link · 1 Response

Fartypants wants the Anderson Cooper treatment

Why does Anderson get the special treatment? Is it because his skin is tighter than Larry’s?

Jun 6, 2007 · Link · Respond

• Pete Wentz penchant for eyeliner, women’s jeans earns him a spot in People’s 50 Most Beautiful People. [via BWE]

• Reality show maven Mark Burnett is scouring MySpace in an effort to find the next Amanda Congdon.

• Gay detectives race to dispel rumors that Anderson Cooper is a never-nude.

Harper’s Bazaar versus Vogue is no contest. Vogue, the thicker and denser of the two, easily wins the “when dropped by a 6 foot model onto one’s head” competition.

• Meanwhile, black families everywhere were devastated to learn that they will no longer have a channel named after them.

• Four out of five red-blooded American men would risk jail-time to bang Miss America…aged 14.

Apr 25, 2007 · Link · Respond

You know what sucks about being famous and ambiguously gay? Whenever you do something as innocuous as work out in your too-tight spandex shorts, flirt with the juice bar guy (or girl!) post-workout, or head to the locker room, sweat glistening from your pores, it turns out your prematurely gray chest hair—and tight abdominals—bring ALL the boys to the yard.

And, if you’re Anderson Cooper, it’s necessary to take one or two tiny (or maybe not so tiny!) precautions.

YOU can’t be too careful, especially when you’re high-profile anchorman Anderson Cooper. Cyber gossip Janet Charlton reports the white-haired CNN star regularly works out at the Equinox gym in the Time Warner Center, where he attracts a lot of attention from hard bodies of both genders. “So he takes precautions,” Charlton reports. “Everyone knows camera phones are easy to smuggle anywhere, so sensible Anderson reportedly showers in his underwear. Boxer briefs, to be exact.”

Which means for everyone who recognizes him, Anderson Cooper is just a paranoid, possibly closeted television anchor. And for everyone else, he’s just “that weird guy who showers with his undies on.”

Apr 25, 2007 · Link · Respond