An Open Letter To Avril Lavigne 38564

Dear Avril,

We read excerpts of the interview you gave to Q Magazine and thought we’d jot down a couple of quick thoughts/suggestions.

First of all, we noticed that you modestly described yourself as “a very giving person.” Not to nitpick or anything, but just so you know, true philanthropists generally don’t need to go around bragging (to random British magazines) about how selfless and giving they are. It’s not written in stone or anything, just customary.

Second, the definition of “giving” typically does not include stuffing six boxes full of Manolo Blahniks and ordering your assistant [Ed: Really? You have an assistant?] to “Take it to Katrina.”

Third, it doesn’t exactly help your whole “Lalala, I’m so generous” image to say “I also like to give stuff to people who are my ‘workers,’ especially if they don’t make much money.” Wait, aren’t you the one who’s (not) paying them? Just a guess, but we’re thinking they’d rather have, oh we don’t know, health insurance than a ‘gently-loved’ pair of pointy Zac Posen slingbacks.

And finally, you might just want to slightly rethink the part where you say, “If you do hate me, you’re the loser, not me.” As it turns out, we happen to personally know several non-losery people who fail to appreciate the finer nuances of “Girlfriend” or “Complicated.” Thus, we are fairly certain that it is, in fact, possible to boycott your unique brand of watered down punk music and screeching high-pitched vocals while still retaining some semblance of coolness.

Hope this helps!
–Jossip