Jon & Kate Separate for Birthday Celebration

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Jon & Kate Plus 8 is no longer a show about two people raising eight adorable children.

It's now a seedy, exploitive documentary about the tension between a married couple that just happens to have a bunch of kids running around, most of whom take away airtime from the latest feud TLC can highlight between the adults. It's pathetic and no one should be watching it.

Kate Chows Down

Of course, sadly, millions of people are. With that in mind, here's how the series milked the hatred between Jon and Kate Gosselin this week...

On last night's episode (taped months ago), Kate celebrated her 34th birthday... with just her children.

Where did the script call for Jon to be?

"I went out to Utah for, like, five days," he said. "I just wanted to get back out there and ride with my friends. It just happened to fall on Kate's birthday."

Did Jon Gosselin celebrate his wife's birthday by porking Deanna Hummel? That's the latest rumor.

According to Us Weekly, Jon actually spent the weekend with rumored girlfriend Deanna Hummel. Sources say the two were together at a Spring Gruv party at The Canyon in Utah on March 28, Kate's birthday.

Meanwhile, the Gosselin parents also recorded a handful of couch testimonials together this episode, actually appearing side-by-side a few times. (We're shocked TLC didn't create smoke emanating out of their ears.)

"This season, sometimes you'll see Kate and I interview separately. Sometimes you'll see us interview together on the chair," Jon said. "It depends how things are going. We have busy schedules. And that's it."

Man. We feel dirty just writing about this stuff.

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