If you don’t have time to watch, here’s our summary:
• With Oprah’s Obama endorsement, less exciting politicians and less talented talk show hosts make due with the scraps.
• Women: Hillary can relate to you about having a philandering husband, which equals if she becomes president, there will be peace in the Middle East.
• Hillary is her own woman. Staying married to a serial cheater is a decision she made for herself. But because of the 19th amendment, that choice is up to you.
Poor, Monica. You’d think earning a Master’s degree from the London School of Economics would be enough to finally garner you some respect. But alas, it’s nearly 2007, and yet no matter what you do, it seems as though you’ll always be remembered as Bill Clinton’s favorite blue dress-wearing, cigar-holding intern.
Well, we here at Jossip are full of Christmas cheer (and/or tipsy from grandma’s eggnog — that gasbag isn’t kidding around) and we’ve decided that everyone, yes everyone, deserves a second chance. So we’ve decided to find out more about the real Monica Samille Lewinsky, the one nobody’s ever really taken the time to get to know.
The Monica who was born in San Francisco, California on July 23rd, 1973, and attended private school with Tori Spelling, (back when Spelling was still living in a pre-nose job, still-mooching-off-of-Daddy existence). The Monica who had a fledgling career as a reality TV star, before making the pragmatic decision to sell handbags instead.
And, of course, the Monica who inspired the grossest sandwich in Morningside Heights (appropriately titled “The Lewinsky,) served on a toasted hero, and topped with its trademark “secret sauce.”
And so ends our leisurely stroll down Monica Lewinsky Memory Lane. Now back to The Donald and Rosie Show.
• Congrats to Maria Sharapova for setting the record for tennis’ loudest grunter, at an ear splitting 101.2 decibels (the same as a tractor!)
• If Tommy Lee can go to college, why not Monica Lewinsky? The former intern has been accepted at the prestigious London School of Economics in a one-year master’s program in social psychology, which means she’s leaving New York for, uh, at least one year.
• To celebrate the anniversary of their beard marriage, Star Jones and Al Reynolds are considering pulling an Angelina Jolie and adopting an offspring. You can write your own joke about Star already looking pregnant, thank you very much.
• Denise Richards and Charlie Sheen are planning a small “recommittment” ceremony for December, which only leads us to one conclusion: They’re hurting for their Star checks.
• While Christina Aguilera earns a quick $2 million, Madonna nabbed $8 million for just 10 hours work shooting her Motorola Rokr phone ad campaign.
• When Young Manhattanite says Jossip’s new site Queerty “inadvertently makes Seth Mnookin eat a big one,” you know we’ve got to at least mention Mnookin’s interview with Regret The Error.
• Google Maps isn’t just for Craigslist postings, anymore. With, uh, Google-owned Dodgeball you can now plot where you’ll be stalking your friends next.
• Monica Lewinisky is coming to the stage, at least in spirit. Her tale will be told (with disgraced American Idoler Frenchie Davis co-starring) in Monica! The Musica at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater, and the former intern is very welcome to attend.
• Attn: Condi Rice: Beside buying expensive shoes on your next trip to NYC, you can catch Rush on Broadway October 18. Rush Limbaugh will bring his one man show to the Amsterdam Theatre, forcing The Lion King to go dark that night. Sean Hannity will offer what he’s calling a “Special Introduction,” noting “Rush is the Babe Ruth of our business.” Though we doubt baseball guru Keith Olbermann would agree.
• To please NYT foodie Frank Bruni, avoid opening an Italian restaurant. Unless your’re Babbo.
• If two freakishly thin Olsen twins aren’t enough, there’s always their freakishly thin mini-me’s.
• Seventh-grader Frances Bean Cobain (daughter of rehabber Courtney Love) is taking to the pages of October’s Teen Vogue to establish her own identity. Please note: She’s a “girly-girl.”
• Jerry Lewis‘ telethon take: $1 million for Hurricane Katrina relief and $55 million for muscular dystrophy.
• Gilligan is dead. Actor Bob Denver, who played the shipwrecked castaway on Gilligan’s Island, passed away today at age 70.