Ho Train On Us Weekly Cover

Paris Hilton is a party host, bad actress, singer, model and painfully annoying skank based in Southern California.

This former A-list celebrity has no actual talent, aside from saying "hot" and spending money. Gotta give this former sex tape star props for knowing how to market herself at least, though.

Hilton first rose to prominence back in 2003 when she got railed on tape, night vision style, by Rick Salomon, a renowned sketchball she was dating at the time. He went on

She parlayed that quasi-fame into massive publicity, garnering deals for a reality TV show, a crappy CD that nonetheless sold a bunch of copies, and huge fees for merely showing up at parties.

Paris Hilton sells herself even better than she puts out, that much is for damn sure. It's almost admirable.

Paris Hilton has been linked to Stavros Niarchos, Alex Vaggo, Joe Francis, Benji Madden and numerous other losers.

Hilton former BFFs include Kimberly Stewart, Kim Kardashian and Britney Spears. She goes through friends faster than shots during nights on the town.

In 2007, Paris spent three weeks in jail for DUI and violating probation. It was a harrowing experience that didn't change this socialite's behavior one bit. Thank goodness. She entertains us.

Paris Hilton Quotes

We want to stay together forever. I wouldn't do a Vegas [wedding]. I don't know where or when but I do want it to be romantic.

Paris Hilton [on Benji Madden]

He's my best friend. He's just different from any guy that I've ever been with. I just trust him completely, and I know that he'd be there for me, no matter what.

Paris Hilton [on Benji Madden]